Warped
by TwistingMoonbeam
Summary: Hazelle, Jocelyn, and Lucy are fans of Gravity Falls, but when Bill Cipher attacks them at school and a portal is opened, the three girls must use every ounce of their Gravity Falls knowledge to team up with their favorite characters and take down a villain who will stop at nothing to change everything. R&R!
1. Chapter 1

WARPED

Chapter 1

"Here we go."

Hazelle Krimms's jaw dropped as her two friends, Jocelyn Swanson and Lucy Glint, screamed. The three friends stared at the TV screen as the credits to their show, _Gravity Falls_, began to roll. Silence filled the living room like a poisonous gas.

"I WILL NEVER GET OVER THAT CLIFFHANGER," Jocelyn declared angrily, whipping her long dark braid over her shoulder.

"Seriously," Hazelle agreed. "I've watched this ending like five times already, and I still can't get over it!"

"It's like Alex Hirsch _wants _to completely annihilate my emotions." Lucy rubbed her hands up her arms. "Yo Hazelle, pass me dat blanket."

Hazelle rolled her eyes and threw a folded blanket into Lucy's face. It was an unusually cold September night. The news reported winter was coming early this year. Outside, it was quiet and dark, brittle with snowflakes caked into thick clouds and whistling winds. But inside Hazelle's house though, it was bright and cheerful. Nearly empty boxes of Chinese take-out sat on the couch, along with bottles of soda and Jocelyn and Lucy's coats.

"Man," Jocelyn gushed with a grin and a stretch. "I _looooove Gravity Falls._"

Hazelle and Lucy laughed and agreed. One of the highlights of the marching band competition season not starting until next weekend was all the free time the three of them had. Ever since their freshman year, color guard had tied them together into great friends, and the love they shared for _Gravity Falls _was just another layer of rope to the knot, especially after the season finale last August.

"Ooh!" Jocelyn cried out. "Do you think the website was finally updated?"

Lucy's green eyes bugged. "LET'S FIND OUT."

Hazelle flung herself into the swiveling chair to her desktop computer and brought up Google Chrome. With Lucy and Jocelyn huddled around her, she typed in "searchfortheblindeye dot com."

The screen went black, and then a floating image of Bill Cipher appeared, his gold glow bursting hauntingly off the screen. Hazelle felt chills tumble down her spine. Ever since first discovering the mysterious website through Tumblr at two in the morning last month, the uneasy feeling every time she visited it hadn't left.

"Check the code," Jocelyn said.

Nodding, Hazelle clicked the code that hung under Bill. It decoded itself to read: "OCTOBER FIRST."

"Same as usual," Lucy commented, playing with a curl.

"But how about his coding?" Hazelle murmured.

She right-clicked on Bill and chose "Inspect Element." The image's coding flashed onscreen, showing Bill's shape made up of letters. A message was scattered about Bill's coding, practically screaming, "TWO MORE DAYS VIEWERS. ARE YOU READY."

Lightning hummed under Hazelle's skin.

"Oh _god_," Jocelyn said.

"That is so creepy," Lucy mumbled.

"GUYS. October first is Monday," Hazelle said, pushing her glasses up her nose. "We're gonna be in school."

"Unless it's, like, a midnight thing," Jocelyn suggested.

"I dunno though," Lucy said. "Alex Hirsch said it himself: this site isn't associated with Disney at all. It can't be real."

"Ugh." Jocelyn smacked her hand to her forehead. "ALL I WANT IS SEASON TWO! IS THAT TOO MUCH TO ASK?"

"What if though?" Hazelle said, smiling a little. It was cool to think about—your favorite TV show coming to life! Being real!

"It's not something I want to think about," Lucy said with a shiver.

"Yeah." Jocelyn gave Bill a pointed look. "Bill's freakin' scary."

Just then, Lucy's phone beeped. "My mom's here."

Jocelyn and Lucy left together after tackling Hazelle in a hug. With shouts of "See ya, Monday!" they ran across Hazelle's lawn and into the car in front of the house. Hazelle waved them goodbye, the cold still lingering on her fingertips as she shut the door.

Hazelle returned to the computer and logged into Tumblr, curious to see the updates on the "gravity falls" tag, and if anyone else was freaking out over the infamous October first being just two days away.

The tag was, indeed, exploding.

"just two days guise!" wrote one blogger. "but searchfortheblindeye hasnt updated at all. WHAT DOES THIS MEAN!?"

Hazelle frowned. _No new updates? But . . ._

She switched tabs back to searchfortheblindeye dot com, but it had changed back to the update from two weeks ago. "LOOK OUT FOR ME VIEWERS. TICK TOCK."

"What the hell?" Hazelle whispered, eyes wide. "Whoa . . ."

It must have been a trick of the light. The bouncing of pixels from the TV off the computer screen. But Hazelle could have sworn she saw Bill wink at her, and glow just a little bit brighter.

No way it actually happened, though.

Right?


	2. Chapter 2

WARPED

Chapter 2

Jocelyn's day, so far, had been unadventurous.

Strings had been stuffy and boring, as usual. AP History had been _loooong_—Mr. Bricker seemed to be very enthusiastic about America in 1905. And then Honors Spanish 4 had been that quiz on conjugations she'd studied for the previous night, along with the usual confusion of trying to decode what the heck Mrs. Morphin was saying.

Now was biology, something Jocelyn hoped would lift her spirits a bit. Mrs. Alvacado, once you got past the hysterical name, was an amazing teacher, and Jocelyn's personal favorite. Walking into bio normally felt like a breath of fresh air, but today was different.

Today was October first.

Jocelyn knew it was silly—_Gravity Falls _was just a TV show! Nothing bad was going to happen today, unless that idiot Racquel Wyatt opened her mouth in Pre-Calc and blabbed more stupidity all over the blackboard. Everything was going to be fine. It was going to be a normal day. Once school ended, she'd go to band practice, go home, eat dinner, do her homework, study for her English test tomorrow on poetry terms, waste away on Tumblr, and then go to bed.

Then why did today feel so weird?

Jocelyn hoped Hazelle and Lucy felt it too. She had exchanged very strange glances with them earlier in the day: meeting up with Lucy before History, and passing Hazelle as she left Mrs. Alvacado's room.

They definitely were all worried. But about what?

"All right, class, good morning," Mrs. Alvacado announced, jolting Jocelyn from her thoughts and making her plunge into her seat next to her friend Naomi Cliff. "Today's lab day. But, unfortunately, the weather is PMSing and we can't go outside for lab, like I had originally planned."

The class groaned and muttered in annoyance. _PMSing weather? _Jocelyn thought with one raised eyebrow. _But it was perfect this morn . . . OH. _She frowned as she gazed out the window into what was slowly becoming one of the most furious thunderstorms she'd ever seen. The sky, which had been as clear and glossy as a pearl earlier this morning, was now shrouded and swirling with obsidian clouds that crackled with lightning. Now, if she strained her ears, she could hear the howling of the wind outside as it pounded the windows and blew orange and red leaves everywhere, like a bully picking on the younger kids for lunch money.

_Oh jeez. _Jocelyn's stomach dropped. _PLEASE be coincidence._

"So, instead," Mrs. Alvacado went on, "our lab will be watching Ms. Frizzle put her students in terrible and unrealistic danger as they explore the blood stream. Jocelyn, can you get the lights?"

The class's groans transformed to cheers and hisses of _"YES." _Jocelyn rose shakily from her chair in the very back of the classroom and extended her arm to turn out the lights.

_FLASH! _The light switch burst in a stream of light and sizzled with electricity. Jocelyn shrieked and backpedaled, ramming into a desk. The room was plunged into darkness.

"What in the world!" Mrs. Alvacado cried out. "What is—?"

The projection screen, which seconds before had been showing the main menu screen for the Magic School Bus film, was struck with a blizzard of static. The storm roared outside, and it felt like the building was quivering.

Familiar evil laughter began to etch through the static. Jocelyn stared at the glowing screen, heart beating frantically. It nearly stopped when she finally recognized the triangular shape that was becoming more and more apparent on screen.

_NONONONONOWAYNOFREAKINGWAY._

And then he finally materialized: Bill Cipher. On the screen. In her high school biology class. Jocelyn tried to tear her eyes away from the screen and when she did, his image was burned on the inside of her eyelids.

"Hi, everybody!" Bill yelled, voice loud and obnoxious. "Happy October First! I'm sure a lot of you don't know what that means, but that's because you're all idiots!" he giggled. "It's funny how dumb you are. But to fill in any of you that don't know, today's the end of the world! The apocalypse! Doom's day!"

Jocelyn stole a terrified glance at her backpack and dropped down, yanking her phone out of the side pocket. She quickly texted Hazelle and Lucy: _R U SEEING THIS?!_

"Anyway, let's move onto the reason I'm here," Bill said, taking off his top hat and reaching inside. "I'm looking for…" He took out three pixilated images and let them float in front of him. "Music Note, Pen, and Caduceus?"

Jocelyn couldn't feel her body anymore. Everything was numb and fuzzy. She blinked at Bill and at the pictures of her, Lucy, and Hazelle onscreen, all huddled around Hazelle's computer, like they had been two days ago.

Lucy texted back. _OHMYGODOHMYGODOHMYGOD._

No one moved or answered Bill. Jocelyn crouched lower on the floor, hiding behind the desk.

"Hmm? Anyone?" Bill asked. "Aw come on, someone peep! This is a classroom, isn't it? A place for _learning._" Sparks flickered around his body and his eye shined crimson. "So I'd really like to _learn _where these three are."

Jocelyn winced. She could tell he was getting angry. But what could she do? It didn't appear like anyone in her class was going to rat her out. Should she give herself up? She didn't want Bill hurting people.

Hazelle texted back, message hot with urgency. _Meet me outside. i'm with lucy. We gotta go_

Suddenly, Bill perked, and his red eye swiveled in her direction. "Ahhh. _There_ you are, Music Note. I thought I'd find you in here."

Jocelyn took a chance. She grabbed her backpack and sprinted for the door. Hazelle and Lucy were right outside, phones and bags in hand.

"He's everywhere!" Hazelle shouted, showing her phone screen. Bill stared back at her.

"Let's go!" Lucy yelled, yanking on Jocelyn's arm.

Jocelyn glanced back into her bio classroom. Bill was completely red now, popping and sizzling as he had in the episode _The Dreamscaperers._

"CLASS DISMISSED!" he roared, and every screen in school submerged into twisting static.


	3. Chapter 3

WARPED

Chapter 3

Lucy couldn't breathe.

She, Hazelle, and Jocelyn had been sprinting for so long. She grimaced into the sun blinding her, and at the ache in her chest and legs. _I . . . hate . . . RUNNING._

"There it is!" Hazelle cried.

Lucy blinked—they had made it. The three of them panted their way to Hazelle's house and up to her front door. Hazelle opened the door using her house key and Lucy and Jocelyn stumbled inside. Cool air conditioning slammed into Lucy's sweaty face, and she couldn't help but slide to the floor from exhaustion.

Hazelle double locked her front door and peeked outside. She waited a few beats, and then said in obvious relief, "I don't see anything—"

"WHAT JUST HAPPENED?!" Jocelyn exploded. "Did that SERIOUSLY just happen? Please say no!"

"It happened," Lucy said, wiping the back of her neck. "But I wish it hadn't."

"HE'S REAL!" Jocelyn's eyes were wide. "BILL—IS—REAL! Searchfortheblindeye wasn't a joke! THE WORLD IS ENDING!"

"JOCELYN!" Lucy grabbed Jocelyn's shaking shoulders. "Re-lax!"

Hazelle frowned, tapping the top of her glasses. "I can't believe this is happening. I was just sitting in Music Lab and then Miss Kingsley's projection screen started to flip out and . . . well, you guys know the rest."

"I was in bio!" Jocelyn screeched. "I almost had a freaking heart attack!"

Lucy closed her eyes and replayed the scene in her head: last-minute studying for her osmosis quiz and Mrs. Gull's shout of surprise when Bill appeared on her computer and the pungent stab of fear into Lucy's heart when her face was onscreen and the acknowledgment that _Bill Cipher was looking for them_ and meeting up with Jocelyn and Hazelle and running all the way to Hazelle's house, the closest safe haven they could think of.

It hadn't been the best day, that was for sure.

"Wait," Lucy said, eyebrows furrowed. "What were the things he'd called us again? He didn't say our names."

A pause. "Music Note," Jocelyn mumbled. "Caduceus. Pen."

"Hmmm," Hazelle hummed, looking excited and worried. "Ohmygosh! It's just like in Dreamscaperers! Remember when Bill called Dipper, Mabel, and Soos by their symbols?"

Lucy's skin prickled. "You don't think…" Lucy gazed at her two friends and realized with a jolt how completely it made sense. Jocelyn wanted to be a music teacher. Hazelle wanted to be a doctor. And she wanted to be a writer.

Hazelle caught Lucy's realization. "I do. It makes sense." She hesitated, taking a deep, nervous breath. "We _are _involved in something."

"But what?" Lucy asked, mind racing. "_Gravity Falls _is…it's just a cartoon."

"But how can it _just _be a cartoon when we just saw its main villain come to life?" Jocelyn screeched, throwing her hands into the air. "This _literally _doesn't make any sense!"

Hazelle glanced back. "Let's check searchfortheblindeye."

Lucy didn't want to, but she rose from sitting on the floor and trudged over to Hazelle's computer. Hazelle typed in the URL, and the site came up.

_Holy crap, _Lucy thought, throat dry.

The website was going insane: pixels crashed across the screen in bright, colorful bursts. The screen kept on flickering in and out, like a dying candle. Bill's image still hovered in the middle of the screen, but under him was a new code. Hazelle clicked on it: _I WARNED YOU._

"Ohhhhhhhh my god," Hazelle whispered.

"I'm done," Jocelyn proclaimed weakly. "I'm three hundred percent done. My entire soul is done."

Lucy stared at the screen. She scrutinized it as much as she could, but with everything so loopy, it was hard to make out anything that could help them. But then there it was! For a second anyway. But that was enough.

"Look!" Lucy pointed at the screen: in the corner, there was a shifting, winking little circle, smaller than Lucy's pinky fingernail.

"What the hell is that?" Jocelyn wailed.

"Just click on it," Lucy urged.

Hazelle nodded and clicked on the circle. Nothing happened for a moment, but then BAM! Light flooded the room, purer and whiter than snow. All three girls were instantly blinded.

Lucy couldn't hear or see. She could only feel the ground as she ducked down for cover, praying Jocelyn and Hazelle would do the same. But then the light began to fade, softly and slowly. When it was finally gone and Lucy regained her senses, she went rigid and stood up, looking to Jocelyn and Hazelle, who looked as freaked out as she felt.

A voice behind them made them all do double takes in disbelief.

"Ha! I was right! I knew I was seeing girls on the other side of that potato chip! IN YO FACE, DIPPINGSAUCE!"


	4. Chapter 4

WARPED

Chapter 4

Hazelle blinked. And then she blinked again.

Looking back, maybe she should have reacted better. The way you reacted in a dire, adrenaline-high situation could be the difference between life and death. She probably should have grabbed Jocelyn and Lucy and ran, or somehow prepared for a possible threat.

Instead, Hazelle screamed like a twelve year old at a boy band concert.

She hadn't been a fan of _Gravity Falls _for that long. A couple months, probably. But it had completely taken over her life, like things with a section on always did. And at that moment, she was experiencing every fan's dream: the characters, in flesh and blood, _right in front of her._

Only the main cast seemed to have jumped out of her computer: twins Mabel and Dipper, exchanging a twin-telepathy look of confusion; Grunkle Stan, mouth open and staring around at Hazelle's opulent living room; Soos, who hadn't seemed to notice his new surroundings yet; and Waddles, trapped in Mabel's arms, drooling on her sleeve. If Hazelle was being honest with herself, she had wished more of her favorite characters had accompanied them: Wendy, Old Man McGucket, Lazy Susan, Pizza Dude, Blendin Blanden, Quentin Trembley, Toby Determined. Even getting to meet Robbieand Pacificawould have been cool!

But maybe she was getting ahead of herself.

"Mabel, please," choked Dipper, whose eyes were bulging out of his head.

"What the heck?" Grunkle Stan frowned at Hazelle, Jocelyn, and Lucy, who were stunned into silence. "Who are you people?"

"And are you okay, dude?" Soos asked Hazelle. "That scream kinda sounded like Waddles for a sec."

"You're in my living room." Hazelle found her voice, curled into a ball deep in the back of her throat. "The main characters of _Gravity Falls _are _in my living room._"

Things got very fuzzy after that statement, and then everything went black.

**XxX**

Annoyingly, Hazelle's body had chosen that precise moment to give up on her. When she woke up, she was on her couch, Lucy wiping her forehead with a cold cloth.

"What happened?" Hazelle groaned. "I had the weirdest freakin' dream…"

"Spoiler alert," Jocelyn called from across the room. "That wasn't a dream."

It was then that Hazelle noticed Jocelyn on the other side of the room, freaking out over who was undeniably Mabel Pines.

"Oh," said Hazelle in a small voice. "Not…not a dream."

_Oh._

"How long was I out?" she added tiredly.

"Only a couple seconds." Hazelle jerked as she realized Dipper Pines was sitting next to her. He gave her a tiny, awkward smile—the kind of smile you gave someone when you didn't want them flipping out over something. "Hi. You, uh, dropped your glasses."

Hazelle had wanted to thank him, take her glasses, whip them on gracefully, and collect herself in a way that showed she had pulled herself together. Instead, she yammered, "Ohmygodyou'reDipperfreakingPines."

"Um…yes." It took Dipper a moment to decipher what she had said. "How, um, do you know that?"

Hazelle turned her gaze to Lucy. A silent conversation flitted between them—_Should we tell them? It might ruin their idea of reality. But what else can we say? _"It's a really long story," she finally said.

"Basically," Lucy said, "here, in this world, you guys are part of a TV show named after your town."

"A _TV show_?" Mabel bounced on her heels. "Wowza!"

"How is that possible?" Dipper asked, whipping out Journal #3 from his vest—_the real Journal #3!_ Hazelle almost squealed. "I've never noticed any cameras or anything like that….Wait!" He flipped ahead a couple pages. "The journal does mention something about alternate realities. Is this…did we just jump realities?"

"Whatever happened," Grunkle Stan cut in, seemingly eager to stop the discussion about alternate realities, "we gotta find a way to reverse it. I've gotta get back to the Shack!"

"Chill your grill, Mr. Pines," Soos said. "Where even are we? And who are you dudes—dudettes? Is that the right term? Ya know what, I'm just gonna call you dudes."

Hazelle's guests all looked to her, Jocelyn, and Lucy.

Lucy cleared her throat, smiled, and pushed her hair back. "Well, I'm Lucy Glint."

"I'm Jocelyn Swanson," Jocelyn continued, enthusiastic.

Hazelle tried for a grin, but she was sure it just came off as a goofy face. "And I'm, uh, Hazelle Krimms. Hola."

"And I guess you dudes know who we are?" Soos asked. "Either that or you're awesome at guessing games."

"Oh _yes _we know who you guys are!" Jocelyn squawked, grinning. "We love you guys! You're the stars of our favorite show!"

"Or, from what the kid is spoutin', your favorite alternate reality," Grunkle Stan said.

"Also accurate," Lucy replied.

"But what are we doing here?" Dipper said, furrowing his brow. "I mean, before this, we were all at the Shack, doing normal, everyday activities."

"And then we saw you guys through the magic floating potato chip," Mabel added, nodding.

"Back up—the _what_?" Hazelle said, finally taking her glasses from Dipper and offering him what she hoped was a normal, grateful smile.

"Mabel, I think your 'potato chip' was actually a rip in the space time continuum," Dipper said, frowning.

Mabel shrugged. "We'll agree to disagree."

"Wait." Jocelyn looked around at the group, worry darkening her face. "I don't think you guys came here. I think you were _brought _here on purpose. By the same person-creature thing that paid a visit to our school earlier."

It hit Hazelle like a punch to the gut. "Oh my god," she gasped. _"Bill." _


	5. Chapter 5

WARPED

Chapter 5

Never before had Jocelyn realized that one of her life goals was to hang out with Mabel Pines. This was mostly because she hadn't thought it possible. But here she was. In Hazelle's living room. WITH MABEL PINES!

Jocelyn couldn't believe her luck. Ever since she had gotten into _Gravity Falls,_ she had been told by multiple people that she was just like Mabel. And now, being face to face with her idol, she couldn't help but FREAK OUT. While Hazelle passed out like a sissy, Jocelyn kept her wits about her and decided to handle the problem like an adult. By running across the room and freaking out with Mabel.

"Bill?" asked Dipper, brow furrowed. "What's he got to do with this?"

"Yeah!" Mabel agreed. "He's just a creepy floating Dorito! We took care of him."

"Weeeellll here's the thing…" began Lucy. "He's not exactly… 'taken care of.'"

"Who's Bill?" asked Stan, scratching his back not making eye contact. "I have no idea what you people are talking about..."

"You know, dude, Bill!" chirped Soos. "That evil triangle guy we fought in your mind!"

"What?!" yelled Stan, seemingly alarmed.

"THAT'S A STORY FOR ANOTHER TIME," Dipper interjected, waving his noodley arms. "We should focus on the current situation. Bill's back? And he's _here_?"

"He attacked our school!" Hazelle explained, fidgeting with the hair bands around her wrist. "He's not supposed to _be_ real in this reality. He's a cartoon character! But earlier this morning, he appeared and he was looking for the three of us!"

"Why you guys?" Stan asked, frowning.

"We…don't know that yet," admitted Lucy. "But he doesn't know our names. He knows us by symbols."

Dipper, Soos, and Mabel exchanged a look: probably all remembering that Bill did the very same thing to them during their encounter. "So if Bill's looking for you three," Dipper said slowly, "why'd he bring us here?"

"We can't tell you why," Jocelyn said, nodding to Hazelle and Lucy. "But we can show you how."

Hazelle got up from the couch and went to the computer, bringing seachfortheblindeye back up. It was still a mess of pixels and colors, but Bill was distinctly floating onscreen.

"What_ is_ this?" Dipper asked, fascinated.

"This," Jocelyn explained, "is searchfortheblindeye dot com."

"Is it kinda like the bomb dot com?" squawked Mabel.

Everyone turned and stared at Mabel while Jocelyn snickered and gave Mabel a high five.

"Well, no," interrupted Lucy, rolling her eyes, "it's actually not. It's this weird and creepy website that popped up out of nowhere last month. It has secret messages hidden in the coding every day, and they all have to do with Bill."

"It's actually terrifying," Hazelle commented dryly.

"So wait," Dipper said. "Bill can jump realities?"

"And apparently manipulate the Internet, as well," added Lucy.

"Here we go again, with the stupid Inter-whatever," Stan groaned. "I knew it was trouble! Nothing can be fast _and _reliable at the same time!"

"Relax," Jocelyn said matter-of-factly. "We have Xfinity."

"X-what?" Stan said, raising an eyebrow.

"Never mind, it's not important," Lucy cut in. "Anyway, I think you all got transported here through this website."

"AKA," Jocelyn added, "the rip in the space time continuum."

"The potato chip?" Mabel asked.

"IT'S NOT A POTATO CHIP," Dipper said, exasperated.

"Well, whatever it is, it's back!" Mabel said. And sure enough, there it was: the winking little circle, tucked in the corner of the screen.


	6. Chapter 6

WARPED

Chapter 6

Lucy couldn't believe the day she was having. First Bill Cipher himself appeared at school and announced that he's looking for her, and now the main cast of _Gravity Falls_ was standing right in front of her in Hazelle's living room. She seemed to be the only one out of her three friends that was able to keep her head in this situation. Between Hazelle fainting, Jocelyn losing her cool, and the floating potato chip, Lucy failed to see how this day could get any weirder.

Lucy could never tell her friends this, but she wasn't as into _Gravity Falls_ as Jocelyn and Hazelle were. While Hazelle and Jocelyn loved the show to a level of obsession, Lucy only saw the _Gravity Falls_ as a cute cartoon with quirky characters. It was a show for kids. This was probably the reason she didn't lose her head. But now, with the characters standing right in front of her, Lucy wasn't quite sure what to do.

"Should I click it?" asked Mabel, inching her hand towards the mouse.

"NO!" shouted Lucy, Jocelyn, Hazelle, and Dipper in unison.

"I really don't think that's a good idea," Lucy added. "We have no idea what could happen, and it could trigger something dangerous."

"Speaking of dangerous," Stan interjected. "Is your TV supposed to be doing that?"

"What?" asked Hazelle, snapping her head around.

"It's _definitely_ not supposed to do that," said Dipper. Sure enough, the TV screen, which hadn't been turned on, had somehow become engulfed in swirling static.

"Do you have that Xfanity or whatever too?" Stan went on, scratching his chin. "Because, if that's the problem, your parents sure are idiots for getting it. It's messin' up your TV! And when I say 'your' TV, I totally mean the TV that I was gonna swipe when you weren't looking."

"That's really weird," muttered Jocelyn, reaching for the remote. "Why isn't this working?!"

Just then, a sound came through the speakers that made everyone freeze in terror: Bill's laughter.

"Oh my God," breathed Lucy. She was stricken with terror. She couldn't move, she couldn't think.

"HE'S ATTACKING MY HOUSE!" shouted Hazelle, her eyes wild with fear.

"We gotta get out of here!" yelled Dipper.

"Where's Waddles?!" Mabel shrieked, scrambling for her pig.

"Lucy, what should we do?!" wailed Jocelyn.

But Lucy didn't know what to do. She couldn't think. What was wrong with her? She was the one to keep her head in dangerous situations!

Bill's laughter was growing louder; his glowing yellow form had almost solidified on the screen.

"I knew I'd find you all here! Music note, Caduceus, Pen, Question Mark, Shooting Star, and Pine Tree!" Bill chirped. His eye swiveled to rest on Stan. "And you."

"Time to go!" Jocelyn grabbed Lucy and Hazelle by the arms and dragged them across the room to the computer. "Come on!" She swiftly clicked the shifting, winking blob still on the screen.

There was a bright, blinding flash of light.

Then nothing at all.


	7. Chapter 7

WARPED

Chapter 7

Hazelle blinked into the bright sunlight, momentarily blinded. She wasn't quite sure what had happened or where they were. All she could process was the light blinding her vision, and the all-too-familiar screaming that was to her left.

It took Hazelle a second to realize that it was Jocelyn screaming her lungs out.

"WHERE THE HELL ARE WE?!"

Hazelle tried to sit up, but jerked when she felt the edge of something and the open air touch her hip. Realizing she was about to fall, Hazelle yelped and scrambled backwards, bumping into an unresponsive Lucy. Her eyes travelled upward and then widened into saucers.

The sign they were lying in front of bore large letters that spelled out MYSTERY HACK. Attached to the sign was a rickety old building. One that was very familiar…

"Hey dudes!" came Soos's shout from below. "We're back in Gravity Falls!"

"THERE IS NO FREAKING WAY THIS IS POSSIBLE," Jocelyn shouted from Hazelle's right. She was standing up on the roof of the Mystery Shack and peering out at the view of Gravity Falls. "HOW IN THE NAME OF JESUS ARE WE GOING TO GET DOWN?"

"First off, is there _any possible way _to make her stop screaming?" Grunkle Stan cried up to them, blocking the sun with his hand. "Because the cops are gonna hear, and I _really _don't need that on my back right now."

"There's a ledge you can hop down from to your right," Dipper called up. "Just wait in the shop and we'll come get you!"

"And don't touch any of my stuff!" added Grunkle Stan.

"Okay," Hazelle replied weakly. "But what about Lucy? She's not awake yet and she's too heavy for us to move!"

"JUST DUMP SOME WATER ON HER!" suggested Mabel. "SHE'LL BE FINE!"

"That could work—" Jocelyn began.

"No that's a horrible idea!" interjected Hazelle.

"IF WE HAD ANY WATER!" Jocelyn yelled.

"JOCELYN!" came a shout from behind Hazelle and Jocelyn. "WHY ARE YOU SCREAMING."

"Oh, good, you're awake," voiced Hazelle. "This whole thing's a moot point. Let's go."

"Wait, _where even are we_?" Lucy demanded, groggy. "And why does my head hurt?"

"Well, I can answer one of those questions," Jocelyn said, "but let's move first." She then turned and shouted over the edge, "WE'RE COMING DOWN!"

"Terrific," Grunkle Stan replied sarcastically.

"Again with the yelling!" exclaimed Lucy.

"Sorreh," replied Jocelyn, with a grin. It was obvious she was not sorry at all.

Despite their precarious situation, Hazelle had to laugh. Leave it to Jocelyn to be her overly saucy self, even when they had apparently switched dimensions.

"Well, _water_ we waiting for?" Hazelle said with a sly smile. Jocelyn and Lucy groaned. "Let's get going!"

Jocelyn bounded ahead and hopped off the roof, not seeming to care that she could have broken her legs. She popped her head up from below the roof. "Hey guys! The ledge is right here! Let's go slowpokes!"

Lucy was still feeling woozy from her fainting spell (were all three of them going to faint today?), so Hazelle had to help her get down. After climbing down onto the ledge, there was a short climb down a ladder. Hazelle and Lucy then found themselves in the gift shop of the Mystery Shack. Jocelyn was chatting amiably with Dipper and Mabel, and Stan was eyeing her suspiciously from across the room.

Hazelle made her way across the room towards Stan. "You know she's not gonna steal anything, right?"

"What?" asked Stan, startled by the question. "I have no idea what you're talking about! I wasn't staring suspiciously at your friend… suspiciously…"

"Riiight…" Lucy, who was still leaning on Hazelle for support, rolled her eyes.

"Soo… can we talk about this?" asked Lucy, who was still obviously confused.

"What's there to talk about?" called Jocelyn, tearing herself away from her conversation with the twins.

"Well, for starters, just to clarify, are we in _the_ Gravity Falls? Like, as in, Gravity Falls, Oregon?"

"I didn't know there was more than one!" chirped Mabel, as Dipper slapped a palm to his face.

"Well, yes, it seems that way," answered Hazelle.

"Okay, great. Next question," continued Lucy. "Jocelyn. Why did you click _the rip in the space-time continuum_?"

Jocelyn shrugged. "I thought it would help!"  
"Third question. _How_ did that help us."

"It got us away from Bill!"

"AND NOW WE'RE TRAPPED IN GRAVITY FALLS!"

"You say that like it's a bad thing."

"IT _IS_ A BAD THING!" Lucy exploded.

"Well, I don't know, it's kind of cool," Hazelle admitted.

"UGGGHHH!" Lucy crossed her arms and stomped across the room, where she planted herself in a chair with her back to everyone, angrily crossing her legs.

"Soooooo…." Hazelle said, trying to ease the situation. "What now?"

Mabel piped up, her tone completely serious. "I know exactly what to do."

Stan raised an eyebrow. "And what's that?"

"SLEEEEEEEEPOVERRRRRRR!" she erupted, throwing her hands in the air.

Dipper groaned.


	8. Chapter 8

**AUTHOR'S NOTE: Two things to say before we start this newest chapter. 1: for those of you who have been reading this from the start, changes have been made to our three heroes. From this point on, Jocelyn, Hazelle, and Lucy are all 15 years old. And 2: I wanted to give credit to my friend, with whom I am co-writing this story. These aren't just my words, they're hers, too! **

**Thanks,**

**TwistingMoonbeam**

WARPED

Chapter 8

It had probably been the greatest day of Jocelyn's life, so far.

Sure, yeah, the whole "getting attacked by Bill at school" thing wasn't ideal, but it was all worth it to be where she was now: true blue Gravity Falls, Oregon! It kinda felt like a bad fanfic, but she wasn't complaining.

And now, instead of studying or dealing with chores, Jocelyn was helping Mabel pick out a nightgown for tonight's sleepover (or, as Mabel was dubbing it, the "Sleepover-a-Palooza).

"So, what do you think?" Mabel asked her, holding up two nightgowns, one purple and one pink. "Prism-thingy with rainbows or muffin?"

Jocelyn considered, humming and holding her chin. "Isn't that the explosion Robbie spray painted on the water tower?"

Mabel frowned. "No…no, it's a muffin."

"Oh. Then prism-thingy it is!"

"Do you wanna borrow one?" Mabel offered, sliding the nightgown on over her head.

Jocelyn's jaw dropped. "You want me…to wear…ONE OF YOUR NIGHTGOWNS?"

"Why not! It's Sleepover-a-Paolooza, isn't it? Plus I know you don't have any stuff because of the potato chip-continuum thingamabob."

"I WOULD BE HONORED," Jocelyn shouted. She could barely contain her excitement!

"This is gonna be so fun!" Mabel said.

As the two began to squeal, Dipper moaned into his pillow on the other side of the room. "Is she _always _this loud?"

Hazelle sat next to him on his bed. "Yup. Try spending twenty-six hours a week with her."

"Twenty-six hours a week?" Dipper asked, incredulous.

"Yeah. Marching band takes up a lot of time. You learn to block her out."

"You must have a superpower," he said, sitting up.

"Yeah, the power of being deaf. But you can't blame her; she's the oldest of five. How else is she gonna be heard?"

"_Five_? Jeez, that's a lot of kids."

"My parents need a hobby," Jocelyn called from Mabel's side of the room.

Dipper blushed, laughing uncomfortably. "Uh yeah, no, yeah, that's nice…" He turned back to Hazelle. "Are you gonna be a part of that?" he asked, gesturing to the slumber party preparations.

"Well, I mean, I guess so…" Hazelle scratched the back of her neck. "I'm not really a makeover girl, but when in Rome…"

"Soooo," Mabel said, plopping down on her bed. "Are there any _booooys _where you guys come from?"

"I'm out." Dipper grabbed a ballpoint pen and Journal #3 and left.

"Well, I mean, _yeah_," said Jocelyn. "Boys make up half the world's population!"

"No no no! I mean…" Mabel lowered her voice to just a whisper. "_Boooooooooooys_?"

"Well, Jocelyn's got herself a little somethin' somethin'," Hazelle dropped, smirking.

"AAAH!" Mabel grabbed Jocelyn's shoulders. "Tell me all about it! Every last _juicy _detail!"

"Well, his name's Noah," Jocelyn began, "he's a junior. And we're just talking."

"And by 'talking,' she means they're making out in the back of the band bus!" Hazelle added smugly.

"Whoa whoa whoa. _Making out_?" Mabel demanded, spellbound.

"Hey, no we're not!" Jocelyn protested, cheeks bright red.

"The rumors are _truuuumors_!" sang Mabel.

Just then, there was a light knock on the door.

"IT'S OPEN!" Mabel yelled. Lucy opened the door, and stuck in her head. It was obvious that she was very on edge.

"Hi."

"Oh, hey, what's up man?" called Jocelyn.

"Um, nothing. Mind if I come in?" Lucy asked tentatively. "I don't wanna intrude."

"Come on in!" chirped Mabel. "The more the merrier!"

"All right…" Lucy slowly made her way into the room, visibly uncomfortable. Her eyes were darting around the room as if she expected something to jump out at her, and her face was pale. Her hands were shaking, and she was wringing them as she asked, "So what are you guys up to?"

"Sleepover prep, remember?" piped Jocelyn. "Are you gonna get in on this? We're gonna do _makeooooverrrrrs_!"

"Um, maybe. We'll see." Lucy said, avoiding Jocelyn's animated gaze.

"Is everything okay, Lucy?" asked Hazelle.

"Well," began Lucy, perching on the edge of Mabel's bed, "we kinda have some stuff to talk about."

"Like what?" squawked Jocelyn cheerfully.

Lucy's shaking hands balled into fists. "While you're here having the time of your life, I've been miserable. How are we going to get home? We're trapped in a cartoon!"

Hazelle gave a pointed look at Mabel before answering Lucy. "You don't think we noticed? Yeah, it's unsettling, but there's really nothing we can do right now. We might as well make the best of it."

Lucy's eyes narrowed, and her tone had turned icy. "So let me get this straight. You'd rather have a sleepover than try and figure out how to get home? To our _own_ world?"

Jocelyn had had enough.

"WHAT is your problem? The entire time we've been here, all you've done is complain. We're in Gravity Falls for God's sake! You don't think this is even the slightest bit cool?"

Lucy set her jaw. "No. As a matter of fact I don't."

"Then I'd really appreciate it if you'd keep it to yourself," Jocelyn replied, her tone frosty. Lucy opened her mouth to retort but Hazelle beat her to it.

"Can you guys stop it for one second? It's late and we can't do anything about it now. We can deal with it in the morning. For now we should all get a good night's sleep."

Lucy stood up and fixed Hazelle and Jocelyn with an icy stare. "Fine then. I'll see you in the morning." Lucy then turned on her heel and left the room, slamming the door behind her.

Mabel was the one to break the silence. "Well now that that's over, who's up for makeovers?"

Hazelle pinched the bridge of her nose and sighed. "Why do you have to do that?"

"Hey!" Mabel protested. "Makeovers are fun!"

"No, sorry, makeovers are great. I meant Jocelyn."

"Me?" Jocelyn asked, indignant. "I literally did nothing. She's been a b- I mean female dog ever since we landed our butts here. I think she's forgetting I _saved_ us from Bill."  
Hazelle fixed her glasses. "While that's true, and it was great, you have to think of how she's feeling. You know Lucy. She doesn't like change."

"Thanks for those words of wisdom, Doctor Phil," replied Jocelyn dismissively.

"I think you should be less harsh with her, Joss," Hazelle pressed. "Not everyone's dreams involve touching down in Gravity Falls."

"Whatever," said Jocelyn, rolling her eyes. "Now who wants to start these makeovers?"

Mabel grinned. "I thought you'd never ask!"


	9. Chapter 9

WARPED

Chapter 9

In short, this was probably the worst day of Lucy's life. Not only was she stranded in a children's cartoon (and a Disney one, nonetheless), but one of her best friends was fighting with her. _Unnecessarily_, added Lucy mentally. She'd done nothing wrong; it wasn't her fault that she wasn't a huge fan of being taken out of her normal life and being thrown into another dimension. But apparently, Jocelyn and Hazelle _were._

Jocelyn, she could understand: she was always the adventurous one, her love for all things weird almost as fathomless as her ability to be loud. But _Hazelle_? Anxious, observant, peacemaker Hazelle was _okay _with chilling in another reality? Lucy had known Hazelle loved the world of Gravity Falls as much as Jocelyn, but the results of it being put to the test were downright _shocking. _

Lucy was now wandering around the Mystery Shack, brooding. She passed Soos, who was hanging out in his break room, his body cramped around numerous pipes and valves. "Hey, dude!"

"Hi," Lucy mumbled, not bothering to turn around.

"Want any Late-Night Nachos?" Soos asked, offering a half-eaten bowl of tortilla chips smothered in gooey cheese.

"No, thanks, I'm not really that hungry," Lucy replied. She kept walking.

"I guess it's _nacho_ thing," Soos muttered to himself. "Aw, boosh, that was great!"

Lucy had had no idea just how vast the Mystery Shack was. She wandered through various hallways, finally coming to the family room, where Grunkle Stan was watching TV. Lucy saw the ending credits of a black andwhite movie roll down the screen. _"Will the Duchess and everyone's favorite coxswain Saunterblugget Hampterfuppinshire make up in time for the Summer Cotillion?" _asked an announcer from the TV. _"Will Elizabeth's new romance with the dashing Sebastian flourish or fail? And how will Count Lionel react to the return of his evil twin brother? Find out all this and more on the next installment to the 'The Duchess Approves' movie trilogy, 'The Duchess Rejects'!"_

"Reginald's alive?" Stan exclaimed, shoveling a spoonful of rocky road ice cream in his mouth. "I thought he was lost at sea! Next week's movie is gonna be so good!"

Stepping deeper into the room to stand beside Stan's chair, Lucy asked, "What're you watching?"

Stan jumped and scrambled for the remote. He then quickly changed the channel to _Baby Fights_. "Nothing! Just some good ol' fashioned violence! Nothing having anything to do with the old lady movie channel… Who said anything about that? What's '_The Duchess Approves'_?"

"Um… I didn't say anything about that…" Lucy replied.

"Oh." Stan waited a beat, taking in Lucy's downtrodden demeanor. "Why the long face, kid?"

Lucy shrugged. "Just tired and homesick, I guess."

"You know, I don't get that term: _homesick_," Stan commented. "Are you sick _of_ home? Are you sick _at_ home? These are legitimate questions."

Lucy raised an eyebrow.

Stan rose from his easy chair. "I'm gonna go to bed now. Night!" He left the living room, perhaps a little too quickly.

Lucy decided that she was tired—both mentally _and _physically—and tried to make herself comfortable on the easy chair that Stan had vacated.

Soon enough, sleep overcame her turbulent mind.

**XxX**

Lucy was having a nightmare.

Everything around her was black. She couldn't see, and she couldn't hear anything. It was like she was floating in a void, cut off from her senses.

Then, there was a bright flash of blue under her. At first it was blinding, but Lucy couldn't help but look.

She was standing on a circular platform that stretched out around her, at least fifteen feet in length. It was the color of old parchment, with symbols rounding the circle drawn in black ink.

Eerie recognition grabbed hold of Lucy as a burst of gold sparked above her.

"Hiya, Pen!" Bill Cipher fully materialized, adjusting his top hat. "Welcome to my wheel of _mis_fortune! Sponsored proudly by your puny, naïve little mind! Thanks for that, by the way."

Lucy's expression of shock morphed quickly into a sharp glare. "Get out of my head, you crazy demon! I don't want anything to do with you!"

Bill laughed. "Looking before we leap, eh, Pen? Doncha want to hear what I've got to say first?"

"No!" Lucy gritted her teeth and tried to remain calm. _He's not real. This is just a dream. _"This is all your fault! There's nothing you could say that I'd want to hear. Now get out of my head!"

"Whoa, whoa! Before we start throwing around accusations," Bill cut in, "there's some things we gotta clear up. I didn't bring you, Caduceus, and Music Note to Gravity Falls, and I didn't bring the others to your world."

"Wait—what?" Lucy's eyes widened. "You didn't bring us here?"

"Of course not!" With a wave of his hand, Bill made a nail filer appear out of thin air, and started scrubbing his tiny black fingers. "Trust me, Pen. If I did something _that _devilish, I would've made it apparent that it was my doing." Bill giggled. "But, nope! I didn't bring you and your silly friends here."

"But…" Lucy's head was pounding in tandem with her heart. "Then…what is searchfortheblindeye dot com?"

"Ah, see? Now we're getting into the good stuff. And by that I mean anything having to do with me!" said Bill. "I created that website because I was on the lookout for some particular persons of interest. You and your friends have something I want, and the only way I could find you suckers was to leave hidden codes that only my targets would've been able to crack! It took some patience on my part, but _voila_! I found you three, didn't I?"

"How…how'd you know we were able to see those special codes?" yammered Lucy.

"I'm directly connected to that website. If someone had been able to open my hidden messages, I would have felt it. You three had been cracking my codes for a while before I finally managed to specify your location!" Bill explained, teasing in his voice. "Sneaky stuff, but it all worked out in the end. My original intention had been to discuss my reasoning back in your world, but one thing led to another, obviously."  
"So what the hell are we doing in _Gravity Falls_?" Lucy yelled. "If you didn't bring us here, then _who did_?"

"Now _that_, I'm still figuring out," Bill said, rolling his eye. "Apparently someone was smart enough to hack into my website and link your world to the world of Gravity Falls. But a little rip in the space time continuum isn't something to worry about!"

The pieces fell together in Lucy's head. _So when we clicked on that little spot on the screen, it was actually a link to Gravity Falls, and brought all the characters to us! And then when Jocelyn clicked on it again, it brought us right back! _"The potato chip!" she gasped.

Bill raised an eyebrow. "You say somethin', Pen?"

"No." Lucy smoothed back her hair and kept her composure. "Look, why are you telling me all this? What do you want?"

"I want to finish what I started!" said Bill. "And that is proposing a little deal."

"What? No way!" Lucy could already fell the itching in the pit of her stomach—her gut was screaming that this was a bad idea. "I'm not making any deals with you! I know how you operate."

"Oh, really?" Bill said, narrowing his eye.

He raised his hands into the air, and the platform was ignited with malicious blue flame, orbs of fire encircling the wheel like the blue beads of a bracelet encircling a wrist. The force of the blast pushed Lucy onto her back.

"I know what you're thinking," mused Bill, a splintered copy of him flashing above her. "Literally! You're thinking I'm full of it, and you're considering a master plan of finding a computer in Gravity Falls, logging onto my website, and just finding the link back to your world. Well, sorry Pen, that ain't gonna work: searchfortheblindeye crashed yesterday. So your original portal is kaput."

"What?!" Lucy wanted to pull her hair out.

"But here's the thing: you're not stuck here! Because I know another way back."

Lucy scrambled to her feet and leveled her glare at the dream demon that was negotiating with her. "How do I know I can trust you?"

"You've seen the cartoon, haven't you? When Gideon and I made that deal, I was going to hold up my end if Shooting Star and Question Mark hadn't interfered and ruined _everything_." Bill sighed. "I keep my promises, like how I'll keep my promise to you."

Lucy frowned. She didn't like the situation one bit. But she was intrigued, albeit a tad desperate. She wasn't like Jocelyn and Hazelle: she couldn't just _wait around _until a solution fell from the sky. If they were going to be so unwilling to help, then maybe she should just find a way home by herself! "What do you want from me?" she asked, the hardness receding into curiosity.

Bill's golden glow flared, as if he was grinning. "That's not something I wanna discuss here in the dreamscape. We have to talk about it in reality. And I know just the place. Hold onto your sanity, Pen! We'll talk again soon."

Bill snapped his fingers, causing the wheel beneath her to be engulfed in blue flames and never ending blackness.

Lucy opened her eyes.


	10. Chapter 10

WARPED

Chapter 10

Hazelle couldn't sleep. Jocelyn and Mabel had tired themselves out with makeovers and singing along to Mabel's _Sev'ral Timez_ CD. Hazelle hadn't joined in on all of the festivities of the Sleepover-a-Palooza: partly because of how hard Jocelyn and Mabel were going, and mostly because she just wasn't as outgoing as Jocelyn. It never ceased to amaze Hazelle just how comfortable Jocelyn was in any situation. She had even been able to pick up on almost all the lyrics of the _Sev'ral Timez _CD the second time it was played.

Jocelyn and Mabel were now passed out with Waddles on Mabel's bed, faces still smothered with makeup. Hazelle was lying on the floor next to the bed, hands folded behind her head as she stared up at the ceiling, replaying the day's events. Twenty-four hours ago, she would have laughed if someone told her she'd be spending the next night in Gravity Falls, Oregon, sleeping next to Mabel's bed, exhausted after spending the day with them. Between their encounter with Bill and the floating potato chip, Hazelle had to pinch her arm to make sure she wasn't dreaming.

Secretly, she was glad she wasn't. This was _amazing_—she was five feet from Dipper's bed! They were in the town that was west from weird, north from normal! Hazelle could only imagine was could happen tomorrow. Were they going to find a way home? Were they going to embark on some crazy adventure? Would she be huddled in her sleeping bag tomorrow, head filled to the brim with new memories of shenanigans with the Pines family?

Was it wrong that Hazelle hoped she would?

Hazelle was also worried about Lucy. After freezing up and fainting at Hazelle's house, Lucy had been sullen and withdrawn. She'd even lashed out Jocelyn. It was unlike her, and something was wrong. _It's probably just the change of scenery,_ Hazelle reassured herself. _It's perfectly normal_. But there was a haze of doubt and concern spreading in the back of her mind. Nothing was ever _normal _in Gravity Falls.

Just then, Hazelle heard a low thud from downstairs. Frowning, she touched her phone; it was 2 AM. And as far as she knew, everyone in the Mystery Shack was asleep. (Certainly Stan was: his snores from down the hall could've woken the dead.) What could it be?

The detective in Hazelle flared to life. She was easily intrigued and loved everything supernatural and abnormal. She knew she was far too cautious and curious for her own good: something that could be possibly dangerous in a mystery-ridden town like Gravity Falls. But what if someone was breaking in? Or some_one_? The thud was heavy and loud enough for her to hear all the way from the attic. She had to know.

(She was also far too paranoid for her own good.)

Hazelle considered waking Jocelyn, but figured it would be more work than it was worth. Jocelyn was an extremely heavy sleeper, and would probably slap Hazelle if she tried to wake her—_again_, Hazelle mused with an eye roll, remembering their last sleepover, when she'd tried waking Jocelyn for breakfast and had gotten smacked in the nose.

Hazelle grabbed Mabel's pink umbrella, slowly opened the door to the twins' room, and made her way to the staircase downstairs. She turned her phone on and held it in front of her, using it as a flashlight. As Hazelle crept down the steps towards the noise, she saw a shadow rounding the corner.

Hazelle froze. Who or what could this be? Some ghost or gremlin taking up residence in the Mystery Shack? Hazelle held the umbrella above her head, ready to defend herself.

The shadow was getting closer, and Hazelle readied herself to strike. As the figure rounded the corner on the landing, Hazelle's nerves took control, and she brought the umbrella down and made contact.

"OW!" came a squeaky yelp.

It was at this moment that Hazelle realized she'd hit Dipper, making his way up the stairs with his nose so buried in Journal #3 he hadn't even seen her. Dipper dropped the journal and rubbed his head, smashing his hat into his hair. "Hazelle! Ow, what'd you do that for?"

"Ohmygosh! I'm—oh jeez—sorry," Hazelle stammered. "I thought you were… something else… What are you doing up in the middle of the night anyway?"

"_I_ was going to bed, because I didn't hear Mabel and Jocelyn anymore and figured World War Sleepover-a-Palooza was over," Dipper replied, bending down to retrieve his journal. "What were _you_ doing?"

"I, um, heard a noise," Hazelle said, blushing. "And I thought I'd check it out. You know, 'cause Lucy's somewhere in the Shack."

Dipper fixed his hat and tucked Journal #3 in his vest. "Well, we could go check it out, if you want," he said, smiling.

"Okay, let's go!" Hazelle exclaimed. She then added quieter, "You know, for Lucy. And the Shack. Yeah."

Hazelle and Dipper made their way down the stairs and into the family room, where the lamp had been knocked over onto the floor. A blanket and pillow were crumpled next to the easy chair, as if they'd been thrown off in a hurry.

"We found the noise," said Hazelle, brow furrowed, "but where's Lucy? This is where she was sleeping."

"I don't know," Dipper replied. "But I have a feeling the two go hand in hand. Let's take a look around."

Hazelle and Dipper crept into the kitchen, Hazelle's phone the only source of light through the dark, creaky Mystery Shack. Dipper held his arm out before they entered to stop Hazelle and pointed. The backdoor slowly opened, and Lucy's figure glowed against the white of the full moon hanging overhead.

"_Lucy!_" Hazelle hissed.

Lucy made no indication that she had heard her friend. She walked outside, leaving the door wide open.

"What is she doing?" asked Dipper.

"I don't know, but we've got to follow her," Hazelle urged.

Dipper nodded and whipped out his flashlight. "Then let's go!"

They ran outside, feet crunching against the wet grass. Lucy was walking calmly along, and seemed to be walking in the direction of the forest. Hazelle ran up to catch her friend.

"Lucy! Hey!" Hazelle tried to shake Lucy, or get her attention, but Lucy just kept walking. Lucy's eyes were glassy, and she stared straight ahead. She didn't even blink when Hazelle waved her hand in front of Lucy's face.

Hazelle was beginning to panic now. "What's wrong with her?"

"It's almost like she's in some sort of trance," Dipper commented, flipping through Journal #3. "I've never seen anything like it, and there's nothing in the Journal."

"Should I hit her?" Hazelle said, frantic.

Dipper made a face. "Well, I mean, you could _try_—"

Hazelle tried to punch Lucy in the shoulder, but it was like she was made of rubber. An invisible force pushed her back, and she went flying into the grass.

"Hitting her," Hazelle gasped, sitting up as Dipper ran over. "Bad idea. Very bad idea."

They were at the edge of the forest now. Lucy didn't even pause when she reached the edge. She plunged right in, nimbly stepping over tree roots and bushes, like she already knew exactly where she was going. While Hazelle and Dipper untangled themselves from hidden roots and brambles, Lucy forged ahead, creating more distance between herself and her followers.

Lucy soon came to a clearing that was almost a perfect circle. She made her way to the center of the circle, bent down, picked something up, and then abruptly straightened and started back exactly in the way that she came.

"What the heck? What'd she pick up?" Dipper wondered aloud. "And why'd she have to come all the way out here to get it?"

"Well, whatever it is, it's all she needed. She's coming back," Hazelle observed. She waved a hand in front of Lucy's face again as she walked by. Lucy kept walking, still unresponsive.

"I think she's heading back the way we came," Dipper said, tapping his chin. "Let's follow her and see what she does."

Lucy was, indeed, going back the way she came. She made her way through the woods, stepping over roots and avoiding brambles. Lucy then entered the Mystery Shack and went back to the family room. She picked up the lamp that she had knocked over, settled herself in Stan's easy chair, and closed her eyes, asleep. It was like the whole ordeal had never happened. But Hazelle and Dipper knew better.

Hazelle and Dipper waited around for a few more minutes, examining Lucy with confusion. By 2:45, they decided they didn't have any other bumps in the night to look out for.

"That was bizarre," Hazelle commented to Dipper as they made their way back upstairs to the twins' room.

"Yeah, it was," Dipper said, rubbing the back of his neck. "I wonder what she went all the way out there to get. I'll keep looking through the Journal to see if I can find anything."

Hazelle couldn't help but smile. Dipper trusted the Journal so much, and believed it had all the answers.

"Okay," she responded, brightening. "Well, I mean, that wasn't all bad. It was cool to go on an adventure. Running through the woods, flashlights in hand…Jocelyn and Lucy never wanna do that kind of stuff with me."

"Really?" Dipper smiled slightly, running his finger over the Journal cover. "I get that. I normally have to drag Mabel on my late-night adventures. Or promise her a jumbo thing of sprinkles. Whichever works first."

Hazelle laughed. "I once made two batches of cookies for Jocelyn to bribe her into checking out a graveyard with me."

"A graveyard?" Dipper's eyes widened. "That's awesome!"

The two winced at Dipper's shout and glanced at Mabel and Jocelyn. They continued to sleep soundly.

"Maybe we should talk about this tomorrow," Hazelle said.

"Yeah," Dipper agreed, smiling. "Tomorrow. It's a date—plan!" he added hastily, cheeks flushing. "It's, uh, it's a plan."

Hazelle climbed into her sleeping bag, placing her glasses next to her pillow. "Night, Dipper," she whispered.

"Night," mumbled Dipper. He flicked on his flashlight, his nose buried in Journal #3.

Next to Hazelle, Jocelyn sighed and rolled over, and Mabel muttered something about Craz and Zyler in her sleep.

Hazelle sighed happily. All was quiet and peaceful in the Mystery Shack.


	11. Chapter 11

WARPED

Chapter 11

Jocelyn woke up, rubbed her eyes, fell out of bed, and made her way to the door. She stumbled down the stairs, still half asleep, and ran through her schedule in her head. _Stringshistoryspanishbiogymlunchlitstudyhallmathbandcry._ The stairs seemed longer than usual this morning, (and who put that wall there?) so it was somewhat of a relief when Jocelyn finally made it to the kitchen, as Jocelyn was no fan of physical exertion.

Pouring some milk and cereal, Jocelyn said groggily, "Hey Mom, don't forget I have band after school today, and then my viola lesson right after that. And you might want to get some more milk, this milk tastes kinda…" Jocelyn trailed off as she realized something important.

Firstly, this wasn't her house.

Secondly, this wasn't her regular bowl of Lucky Charms.

Thirdly, the person sitting across from her wasn't her mom.

"What are you babblin' about, kid?" asked Stan grumpily scratching his back.

"Spoiled," Jocelyn finished.

At that moment, Hazelle came downstairs, putting on her glasses. "Good morning everyone—"

"WOAH!" Jocelyn screamed.

"There is no amount of coffee in the world to make you tolerable," Stan groaned, rubbing his temples.

"Jocelyn," Hazelle complained, "is there really a good reason to yell this early in the morning?"

"WE'RE STILL HERE! IT WASN'T A DREAM!"

"Well, we know Jocelyn's awake," Dipper commented dryly, coming down the stairs and popping his head in the fridge, looking for food he knew wasn't there.

"Don't forget about Mabel!" added Mabel, entering with Waddles and a cheery, braces-filled grin.

Jocelyn stared around at the Pines family in awe. _THEY'RE REAL_, she thought, a balloon of elation inflating in her chest. "You're really real!" she cried.

"Good God, Joss, we _get it_."

Jocelyn frowned at Lucy as she skulked into the kitchen. Her eyes were bloodshot and her skin was sheet white against her dark curly hair. She grimaced at the group, rubbing her arms. "Guess I was the last up?"

Jocelyn's eyes flashed, and the lights in the kitchen flickered. She still hadn't forgotten about their argument from yesterday, and in that moment, Lucy's bad attitude was a storm cloud on her perfect day. She regarded Lucy coolly, deciding not to say anything.

"Um, morning, Lucy," Hazelle said, exchanging a glance with Dipper. "How'd you sleep?"

"_Awful_." Lucy pursed her lips and analyzed every corner of the kitchen with skepticism, like she thought it was going to fall apart at any second and reveal the real world.

"Yeah, the chair'll do that," Stan commented, sipping his coffee. "My back's knots have knots 'cause of that stupid excuse for furniture."

"No, no, it wasn't the chair. I think." Lucy sighed. "I just had some weird dreams, is all."

Jocelyn looked at Hazelle, and Hazelle looked at Dipper.

"Lucy—" Hazelle started.

"Never mind. I don't want to talk about it," grumbled Lucy.

"Moving on," Mabel cut in. "Grunkle Stan, can we make pancakes for breakfast?"

"Uhhh…" Stan stared pointedly at the fridge. "No dice, hun. We're missin' a couple ingredients."

"Like what?" Mabel asked.

"Um…all of them," Stan said.

"We could go to Greasy's," Dipper suggested.

"Eh, I dunno." Stan scrutinized Hazelle, Jocelyn, and Lucy, but not unkindly. "I don't think I have enough Stanbucks for all of us."

"We can pay for ourselves!" Jocelyn said, grinning at her friends. "Right, guys?"

"Absolutely," Hazelle said.

Lucy shrugged.

"Well, alright!" Stan burst from his chair, pointing to the ceiling. "To the creaky old diner in town that probably doesn't serve edible food!"

"HOORAY!" Jocelyn cheered.

**XxX**

Because Hazelle, Jocelyn, and Lucy came to Gravity Falls with nothing but the clothes on their backs, Mabel was quick to jump in and offer fashion tips.

"I wouldn't expect you guys to want to take on the fashion challenge that is my sweaters," Mabel explained in the twins' bedroom, "due to the fact that it takes a true hawt mama to work 'em. But, a girl's gotta have backup, amiright?"

The girls wore the same jeans that had arrived with (Jocelyn skinny, Hazelle bootcut, and Lucy in flared), but Mabel gave each of them a plain T-shirt: Jocelyn got light blue, Hazelle got orange, and Lucy got dark purple. Looking in the mirror, Jocelyn randomly got really excited: she was wearing one of Mabel's T-shirts!

"This is the most fun I've had in a while," she confided in Mabel.

Mabel snapped her fingers and smirked. "With the power of Mabel, _everything _is fun."

"Are you people done up there?" Stan called. "I'm not against leaving you here to scavenge for yourselves!"

Cramming into the back of El Diablo with a smug Mabel riding shotgun, Stan began the trek to Greasy's Diner.

"Why does Mabel get shotgun?" whined Dipper from the back.

"I'm not riding shotgun," Mabel said, smiling innocently. "I'm riding shot_fun_!"

Next to Dipper, Jocelyn burst into laughter. _"Boosh!"_

They arrived at Greasy's around 10:30AM. Jocelyn got starry-eyed when it was Lazy Susan herself who showed them to two back-t0-back booths: Mabel, Dipper, and Stan at one, and Jocelyn, Lucy, and Hazelle at another.

"You're Lazy Susan!" piped Jocelyn.

Lazy Susan blinked her one good eye. "Hiya, stranger child! You kinda look like my cat!"

"I do?" Jocelyn asked, excited. "Which one? Of, um, however many you have," she covered up quickly, realizing Lazy Susan had no idea who Jocelyn was.

"The one that jumped off my roof and ran away!" Lazy Susan replied. "Now, can I get you she-children any drinkable food?"

It took them a second. "Oh! Drinks!" Hazelle laughed, rubbing the back of her neck. "You, uh, you mean drinks—uh yeah, I'll take some orange juice, please."

"Water, please," Lucy said tersely.

"Ma'am, I'll take your _finest _chocolate milk!" Jocelyn announced. "Along with the coolest, zaniest straw you've got!"

"I'll have to check first that we even _have _zany straws!" Lazy Susan lifted her limp eyelid. "_Wink._"

Jocelyn squealed as the waitress walked away. "_She did the wink_," she hissed at her friends in glee.

Hazelle laughed. "It's even funnier in person."

"_Guys_." Lucy frowned at them, chin resting in her palm. "Don't laugh! This is weird."

"Weird? Of course it's weird!" Jocelyn made a grand gesture, as if showing off the diner to tourists. "It's Gravity Falls, Luce! Why do you sound so surprised?"

"I'm not surprised that it's weird!" Lucy shot back. "I'm _surprised_ with how easily you're going along with it! Joss, this isn't our home."

"I…I know that." And deep, deep, painstakingly deep down, she did. But she didn't want to. "But we obviously don't have any plans to go home yet! We don't even know _how. _I'm just trying to fit in! Enjoy myself! Have fun!" She leaned back in her seat, the cushion of the booth pressing into her shoulder blades. "Maybe you should try it."

Hazelle glanced between them, at a loss. Jocelyn only felt a little bad at putting Hazelle in the middle—Hazelle was almost _always _in the middle. She was the peacekeeper, and sometimes the only thing keeping Jocelyn from committing homicides.

Then Hazelle perked, pointing to the other side of the diner. "Guys! Look! Old Man McGucket!"

Jocelyn snapped her head to the side. Hazelle was right. Old Man McGucket had entered Greasy's, in all his spoon-slapping, gap-toothed glory. He went right to the counter, plopping down into a swiveling toadstool and ordering a glass of kiwi juice in his usual loud, glass-breaking voice.

"_Old Man McGucket_," Jocelyn whispered, starstruck.

"Kiwi juice?" Hazelle asked, smirking slightly. "That's a new little tidbit."

"Let's invite him to sit with us!" Jocelyn suggested, bouncing in her seat.

"Ohhhh no." Stan peered over the other side of Lucy's booth, where he was sitting with Mabel and Dipper. He jabbed a finger at Jocelyn. "You girls stay away from that loon."

"But _wwhhhhhyyyy_?" Jocelyn whined.

Stan pinched the space between his eyebrows and shut his eyes. "Look, girls, I've lived in this town for a good while now. Probably for way too long, if you ask me, but it's a good place to hide from the cops—_I mean_, it's a good location for business. And there're some crackpots here that you just shouldn't talk to. But him? He's _king _of the crackpots. I've already got trouble tryin' to keep these two away from him—"he threw a thumb over his shoulder at Mabel and Dipper, who were having a bubble blowing contest with their chocolate milk—"so let this be a warning—"

Stan frowned when he realized Jocelyn had already run off to talk to McGucket. "Eh. I tried," he told Hazelle and Lucy.

Jocelyn threw herself into the seat next to McGucket, beaming up at him. "Hi!"

"Banjo polish!" McGucket yelled. "Ya'll went and gave me a heart assault!"

Jocrlyn raised an eyebrow. "Do you mean 'heart attack'?"

"You can change the name, but you can't change my pain!"

"Fair point."

"Are you a baby donkey?" McGucket asked.

"No, I'm a girl! The new girl, to be precise. I'm Jocelyn."

"Well, salutations, Jocibine! I'm Old Man McGucket, local kook."

"It's Jocelyn," she corrected. "And hi!"

"Why'd ya scrap-doodle over here?" McGucket asked.

"I wanted to talk to you!" Jocelyn replied, clasping her hands together. "You, um, looked interesting."

"Only three of my teeth are real!" McGucket professed, downing his kiwi juice. "Betcha can't guess which ones."

"You'd win that bet," Jocelyn said. She could see her reflection in his gold tooth.

"Also, my all-time children-scaring record is twenty-six!"

"All at once?"

"I accidentally drove my son's truck into the schoolhouse!"

"Awesome!"

"You bet your bottom dollar it was, Jojika!"

"What—that sounds nothing like Jocelyn!" Jocelyn laughed, clutching her stomach.

"Um…Joss?" Hazelle approached warily, like McGucket was going to reach out and bite her—_he might, for all I know_, thought Jocelyn. "Lazy Susan's back with our drinks."

"Okay!" Jocelyn hopped out of her seat and waved to McGucket. "It was nice meeting you! Maybe I'll see you around town!"

"If not, then you'll see me in your nightmares!" said McGucket before turning to his pancakes.

"I'll be looking forward to it," Jocelyn promised.

Back at the table, Lazy Susan had placed a tall glass filled to the brim with chocolate milk with a pink crazy straw. "The craziest I could find!" Lazy Susan said. "I didn't know it was a straw at first, though. I thought it was pink marker drawn on the sink."

"It's perfect!" said Jocelyn, taking a sip.

The rest of breakfast went well, in Jocelyn's opinion. The diner wasn't crowded so they got their food quickly, Jocelyn loving every bite. Lucy seemed apprehensive, considering she didn't even consider it real food, but she ate anyway.

After they paid (Stan ushering them out in a rush to avoid Lazy Susan slipping him her number for the seventh time that month), they loitered out front for a minute, discussing their plans for the rest of the day.

"It's still kinda early," Stan commented, taking a glance at Dipper's wristwatch without Dipper's permission. "I'll need you kids at the Shack for business, but a couple hours of free time won't hurt."

"Hooray!" Mabel said. "So what should we do in the meantime?"

Lucy opened her mouth, but Jocelyn beat her to it. "Let's go on an adventure!"

For the billionth time since they'd arrived, Hazelle and Dipper exchanged a glance. Jocelyn was sure they were always on the exact same sweaty-palmed wavelength.

"I'm in," Hazelle said, pushing her glasses up her nose. "Anything in the journal we could check out, Dipper?"

Dipper scanned through the pages, sticking his tongue out and hmming to himself. "Oh! Well…" He turned the book so everyone could see (with the exception of Stan, who was on the phone with Soos, giving instructions on how to open the Shack). "There's this."

The journal entry was titled _Squash with Human Face and Emotions _and detailed a vertical, misshapen fruit with a human face. Some other squiggles and notes were scrawled around it, but Jocelyn didn't have the attention span to read them all.

"I've never bothered with this one before," Dipper admitted, fixing his hat. "But, I mean, we have a few hours to kill…"

"Guys," Jocelyn said with seriousness. "Do you know what this means?"

Mabel's grin was going to split her face open. She began to chant at the exact same time as Jocelyn.

"MONSTER HUNT! MONSTER HUNT!"


	12. Chapter 12

WARPED

Chapter 12

_Great, _thought Lucy on their way back to the shack. She was crammed in the back of Stan's car, jammed between Hazelle and the door. Next to Hazelle was Dipper, his nose buried in the journal, and next to Dipper and the other door was Jocelyn, who was chattering away with Mabel in the front seat.

Lucy crossed her arms and glared out the window. She couldn't understand how Jocelyn and Hazelle could be so excited about some stupid monster hunt when they could be figuring out how to get home. It wasn't like the things they could do here were actually important. Plus, their families were probably missing them. They had no idea how the rest of the free world was continuing on in their absence. They needed to get home.

After what seemed like an eternity, they pulled up at the Mystery Shack. Once Stan put it in park, Mabel hopped out of the car, leaving Lucy, Hazelle, Dipper, and Jocelyn to struggle in the backseat. "Come on guys! What are you waiting for?"

"WELL FOR ONE," began Jocelyn, "THE DOOR'S JAMMED AND SO ARE WE."

"Here," Dipper offered, reaching around Jocelyn to the door handle. "You just gotta jiggle it… almost… got it… wow it's really stuck…" Hazelle leaned over to try the handle.

"What if you tried it this way?"

"No that's not right…" Dipper replied, trying the handle another way.

Lucy was tired of waiting. "Isn't it just like this?" she asked, leaning over Hazelle.

"Guys," gasped Jocelyn. "Can't… breathe…"

Just then, Mabel opened the door from the outside, and all four of them fell out onto the ground.

"GUYS!" Jocelyn wheezed from the bottom of the pile. "STILL CAN'T BREATHE HERE!"

Lucy quickly hopped off the person pile and brushed herself off, rolling her eyes when she saw Dipper and Hazelle laughing awkwardly upon realizing that Hazelle had landed on top of him.

"Waaaaahhhh I'm dying," Jocelyn complained, pretending to pass out.

"You're too overdramatic," commented Hazelle, standing up and fixing her hair, cheeks slightly red.

"Nope I'm actually gonna die," replied Jocelyn, shoving Dipper to the ground and standing up. "I can't handle more than twice my body weight."

"Like I said," Mabel butted in, "_what_ are we waiting for? Let's get on with that monster hunt!"

"Well," Dipper responded, "we're gonna need some supplies."

Lucy rolled her eyes again and sighed, blowing her bangs out of her face. "Why in the name of Satan's butt crack are we gonna need _supplies_ to catch a _squash_?"

Dipper looked up from the journal and stared incredulously at Lucy. "Please don't ever say that again." Dipper then continued into the house, nose buried back in the journal.

Hazelle turned to Mabel. "How long is it gonna take to find all these… supplies?"

Mabel shrugged. "Who knows? He usually brings crazy weird useless mystery stuff anyway. One time he used stuffed animals as armor, and another time he used a mirror suit." Mabel grinned. "I found the blind spot."

"Oh yeah!" Jocelyn chimed in. "I remember that short—"

"HEY I HAVE A GREAT IDEA," Hazelle cut in. "LET'S, UM, LET'S GO INSIDE!"

"Okay," Mabel replied. She ran towards the house. "HEY DIPPER! REMEMBER THAT TIME I FOUND YOUR BLIND SPOT?"

Once they were alone, Hazelle gathered Jocelyn and Lucy into a huddle and said in a low voice, "Okay guys, we are not to bring up the fact or allude to at all that this is a TV show."

Lucy broke away from their huddle and crossed her arms. "But it _is_ a TV show."

"WE ARE NOT MESSING WITH THE SPACE-TIME CONTINUUM!"

_Yeah, good freaking luck with that,_ Lucy thought, not bothering to argue with Hazelle.

"Hey!" piped Jocelyn. "Speaking of the space-time continuum, why don't we check searchfortheblindeye? That's how we got here in the first place."

Hazelle smacked her palm into her forehead. "WHY DIDN'T I THINK OF THAT IN THE FIRST PLACE?! I'M THE SMART ONE!"

Lucy snickered. "Apparently not."

Hazelle threw her hands in the air. "I'M SO DONE WITH YOU PEOPLE! YOU," she pointed to Lucy, "HAVE A BAD ATITUDE. AND YOU," she pointed to Jocelyn, "HAD TO GO MAKE FRIENDS WITH THE LOCAL KOOK!"

Jocelyn argued back indignantly, "I didn't make friends with him. I _experienced_ him."

"UGGGHHHH! YOU KNOW WHAT LET'S—LET'S JUST GO INSIDE LET'S CHECK SEARCHFORTHEBLINDEYE!" Hazelle stomped away into the house, leaving Lucy and Jocelyn outside.

The moment outside with Jocelyn was majorly awkward for Lucy, as she knew Jocelyn was one to hold grudges if you managed to make her mad.

Lucy tried to ease the situation. "And I thought you were the oneto yell."

Jocelyn looked at Lucy for a moment, then walked away into the Mystery Shack.

Lucy sighed and followed her inside.

**XxX**

"Stan, do you have a computer?"

Grunkle Stan frowned down at Jocelyn over his clipboard. "Weren't you knuckleheads gonna go on a 'monster hunt' or whatever?"

"We still are," Hazelle replied. "We're waiting for Dipper."

"He's getting 'supplies'," added Lucy sarcastically.

Stan snickered. "Oh, more teddy bears and mirrors? Top of the line supplies that kid's got."

"So do you have a computer?" Jocelyn asked, twirling the end of her braid.

Stan raised an eyebrow, obviously suspicious. "What do you kids need a computer for? Ya can't AtlasAdventure that dumb squash of yours."

"We need it for…um…" Hazelle glanced at Jocelyn in panic.

"GIRL STUFF!" Jocelyn yelled, giving an innocent brace-filled grin. "We can tell you all about it if you want."

Stan stared at Jocelyn for a moment. "The computer's in the office."

"Thanks, Stan!" Hazelle called as Jocelyn dragged her and Lucy towards the office.

"Just don't check the internet history!" Stan called back, trying to act nonchalant.

Lucy tried to resist, and Jocelyn let go of her at the door to the office, but continued to drag Hazelle. The office was quiet and dim, early afternoon light trickling in through the slanted window. Jocelyn went right behind Stan's desk, flipping open the laptop.

Hazelle grimaced at Stan's background: the cover to last month's issue of _Women Fully Dressed Magazine: the Pantsuit Edition! _"I don't even wanna know," she groaned.

"Moving on," Jocelyn said. "Let's check dat searchfortheblindeye."

Lucy rolled her eyes and hung back near the doorway, sticking her hands into her back pockets. Her nose wrinkled when her fingers touched something sharp.

"What the—?" She yanked the object from her pocket. It was a triangle shaped rock on a string, the stone a dark, sinister black. At the touch, memories sizzled in the back of Lucy's mind.

"It's not gonna work," she said.

Hazelle, from behind Jocelyn at the desk, glanced up at Lucy with a frown. "What was that, Luce?"

"The website. It's not gonna work."

"And I'm Pacifica Northwest," Jocelyn quipped. "Come on, it's totally gonna work. How could it not—oh."

Lucy ran to the desk. Searchfortheblindeye's main page wasn't there: in its place was the Internet Adventurer Screen, telling them that the page they were looking for couldn't be found.

"What?" Jocelyn refreshed the page again and again, but searchfortheblindeye never came up. "Aw, what! Boo!"

"How—how is it not working?" Hazelle spluttered, eyes wide. "It has to be working!"

"Wait." Jocelyn glared skeptically at Lucy. "How did _you _know it wasn't gonna work?"

"I—I dunno," Lucy said. She pushed the necklace back into her pocket. "I just had a feeling, I guess."

Jocelyn narrowed her eyes and went back to hitting the refresh button.

"Well, now what do we do?" Hazelle sighed.

From the next room, Mabel's loud voice rang out, "MONSTER HUNT!"

Jocelyn smiled. "I think I know."


	13. Chapter 13

WARPED

Chapter 13

Hazelle didn't know if she was in the monster hunt mood anymore.

Strolling into the woods with Dipper, Mabel, Jocelyn, and Lucy, Hazelle was apprehensive about everything now. Searchfortheblindeye had been their only known chance back home, and now it was going haywire! If they couldn't go back the way they'd came, how were they going to get back at all?

As Hazelle's fingers nervously tangled around with the hairbands around her wrist, she shot Lucy, who was walking along the side of their path rubbing her temples, an anxious look. So _this _was how Lucy had been feeling the whole time they'd been in Gravity Falls. Hazelle knew Lucy didn't mean to be so sour—she never did, really. Lucy's positivity was a trait rarely seen; Hazelle had decided a long time ago that Jocelyn probably zapped it all up, being the optimism-magnet she was. She was just looking at their situation logically: really, they _should've _been spending every waking moment searching for a way home. They didn't belong in Gravity Falls. _It _is _a TV show, _Lucy's declaration from earlier rang.

And yet, it wasn't, for Hazelle and Jocelyn. Jocelyn loved Gravity Falls just as much as Hazelle did—Hazelle was just quieter in her disbelief that they were really _there. _It was much more than a TV show to them, and this adventure wasn't breaking their bond with it in the slightest.

Dropping into the world of her favorite cartoon was sure to make her a little selfish. She wanted to stay as long as possible and enjoy as much as it as she could. But they couldn't stay forever.

Lucy's bad attitude was keeping Hazelle grounded, as much as she hated it. They couldn't stay forever. But a little bit longer wasn't a crime, was it? How much damage could they do in an alternate reality in just a couple days?

"When we find the squash, we should make it into a pie," Mabel was saying as they trudged through the woods. "Then we can give it out to the people of Gravity Falls! And then _they, _too, can know its powers!"

"Mabel, this thing might be poisonous," Dipper warned.

"Emotions _are _the worst poisons in the world," Jocelyn said. "But what if the squash's emotions cancel out people's bad emotions and make them eternally happy?!"

"WE HAVE A DUTY TO OUR PEOPLE," Mabel yelled.

"WE WILL BAKE THE SQUASH INTO A PIE!" Jocelyn joined in.

Hazelle slapped a hand to her forehead. _We may actually destroy this place_, she thought weakly.

"You good, Hazelle?" Dipper asked, slowing down to walk next to her.

"Yup." Hazelle blew some curls out of her face. "Just a bug. So where do you expect to find this thing anyway?"

"Well…" Dipper pointed to the squash's page in Journal #3. "According to the journal, the squash's seeds are known to have warts on them, for apparent future generations of pumpkin men. And I heard from Tyler once that there's this creepy old pumpkin patch at the edge of the woods. Creepy plus pumpkin will hopefully equal emotional squash."

"That's solid math," Hazelle agreed, nodding.

"I asked Stan about it once, but he just blew me off, like usual." Dipper scoffed, smacking the journal with the back of his hand. "It's all right here! I don't get why he doesn't believe me."

"Maybe it's best he doesn't," Hazelle said. "He doesn't seem like the monster hunt type."

"He's _definitely _not." Dipper grimaced, as if imagining cranky Grunkle Stan trekking through the woods with them. "Augh, but I dunno."

"Besides," Hazelle went on, brightening, "you've got us! We make a pretty sweet monster hunting crew, if you ask me."

"Yeah, but how long will that last?" Dipper frowned. "You guys have to go home eventually."

"Eventually is not now." Hazelle flashed two thumbs up. "So use us while you have us!"

Dipper smiled, fingers dancing across the cover of the journal. "I plan on it."

There was a bit of silence, the only sound their sneakered feet against the woodsy grass, until a grumble rang out.

"Ugh, that was my stomach," Mabel complained. "I should've grabbed something from the vending machine before we left."

Hazelle froze.

"I thought Grunkle Stan said it didn't work," Dipper said, eyebrow raised at his twin.

"The _traditional _way doesn't work, no. But the _Mabel _way works!"

"You sent a squirrel in to get stuff, didn't you?"

"Mr. Nuttynuts is a sure-fire plan!"

As they went on, Hazelle couldn't stop the overwhelming excitement from buzzing in her bones. The vending machine! Stan's secret portal! _That _was their way home!

"Umm, Jocelyn, Lucy, could I see you by this tree super quick?" Hazelle babbled.

The three girls left the Pines twins to bicker and went a few trees over, hiding behind the widest trunk they could find.

"That's _it_," Hazelle hissed as soon as they were alone. "Stan's portal! That's how we can get home!"

"Whoa, wait, hold up," Jocelyn said, waving her hands in front of her like a referee. "You're suggesting _the _portal? _Stan's _portal? The one from Gideon Rises? Are you crazy?"

"No, wait! That's perfect!" Lucy looked the most enthusiastic she had in days. "Tonight, when Stan goes to sleep, we can sneak in and try to use it to get home!"

"_Tonight_?" Jocelyn looked appalled. "We can't go yet! We just got here!"

"Ohhh no you don't!" Lucy jabbed an accusing finger at Jocelyn. "I went along with the whole 'let's enjoy it while we think of a way home' thing and now it's done! We know a way home now! We can't keep fooling around!"

"We know a _possible _way home," Hazelle clarified, beginning to pace. "But we need to map this out. This isn't an overnight thing, Luce. You saw the portal in Gideon Rises: it's extremely complicated, and we won't know how to use it without research and observation first. It could take a while to figure out how to use it without endangering this reality."

Lucy winced, like she was fighting back a migraine. Hazelle frowned at her. "Are you okay? You've looking like you're in pain since we got out here."

Lucy shook her head, like she was shaking some thoughts away. "I'm fine. I just—can't we just ask Stan if he can send us home? He knows how to use it."

"That might be a better idea," Hazelle admitted. "I don't want to mess with technology I don't understand, but we don't know why he has it or what he's looking for. And he may not be happy that we know about it."

"Last resort," Jocelyn decided, arms crossed. She was clearly not happy to be discussing going home so soon.

"If anything," Hazelle declared, heart pace quickening, "maybe we _shouldn't _go home."

"WHAT!" Lucy's shout made a cluster of squawking birds above them take flight into the blue, mid-afternoon sky.

"Not yet, anyway," Hazelle added hastily. "I dunno, guys. I just…I don't think we're here because of an accidental click of a mouse. I think someone sent us here for a reason."

"I thought it was Bill?" Jocelyn asked.

Lucy frowned and considered for a moment. "No, it—it wasn't Bill. If Bill wanted us here, he would've done it himself, not through really sneaky and mysterious ways."

Hazelle nodded, caught off guard by Lucy's apparent understanding of the dream demon. "So someone else brought us here. See, this is why I don't think we should go back. We're obviously…_involved _in something. Something dangerous. We shouldn't bring it back to our reality. We have to face it here, on its turf."

Lucy didn't look pleased, but she nodded all the same. "I guess you're right."

"I don't mind staying a little longer," Jocelyn agreed, biting back a huge grin.

"So I guess the goal for right now…" Hazelle squared her shoulders. "Is to be on our guard. And then tomorrow we can start investigating this whole thing."

"How do we do that?" Jocelyn asked, tightening her trademark braid.

"I think we should talk to Stan regardless," Lucy said. "We know he's involved in this somehow and I think he could help us understand the mechanics of portals. Then we can start narrowing down who could've brought us here."

"Agreed," Hazelle and Jocelyn said, nodding.

"Guys?" Mabel called. "What're you doing, making friends with the trees?"

"No, we're telling them to _leaf _us alone!" Hazelle called quickly, making Jocelyn and Lucy groan.

Mabel laughed. "Hazelle, you are on _fire_!"

"One more thing," Hazelle hissed to Jocelyn and Lucy. "Don't tell Dipper and Mabel. They can't know about Stan's portal. It could mess up the timeline Alex Hirsch has set up for the show and could cause a lot of problems. We have to let them find out on their own."

Jocelyn looked pained with the idea of keeping a secret from Mabel, but agreed anyway.

"AND…" Hazelle stuck out her hand, grinning at her friends. "We started this thing together, and we finish it together. Agreed?"

Jocelyn placed her hand over Hazelle's. "All in, bud!"

They looked to Lucy, who seemed to be fighting something back in her head. But with a sigh, she finally placed her hand in, paling from an apparent new thought.

"Agreed."


	14. Chapter 14

**WARPED**

Chapter 14

Jocelyn was having a great week. First she and her friends were transported to Gravity Falls, and now it was decided that they were going to stay longer! Now all she needed was a puppy instead of siblings, and she would be eternally happy.

The only rain on her parade was Lucy. Jocelyn couldn't quite understand just why Lucy was so distraught about being in Gravity Falls. Even for the minor fans, being here would be a dream come true! What was Lucy's problem?

"Hey I think we're getting close to the pumpkin patch!" Dipper exclaimed, quickening his pace.

"SMASHING!" yelled Jocelyn, loud enough to make some birds fly out of a nearby tree.

Jocelyn hurried forward, rushing ahead of the group, eager to get out of the shade of the woods and into the sunshine that they'd left behind at the Mystery Shack. However, when Jocelyn reached the edge of the woods, she wasn't hit by sunshine. The sun had been covered by ominous gray clouds. _That's odd_, thought Jocelyn, slowing her pace and continuing into the pumpkin patch.

The pumpkin patch was far from a sight for sore eyes. It was bare, dry, and dusty, covered in patches of dead, dying grass. What little pumpkins that were there were unhealthy and undersized, and a sickly color of yellow and brown.

"Yuck," commented Mabel, emerging from the woods. "No wonder this squash has human emotions. This place makes me want to cry!"

Dipper rolled his eyes and fixed his hat on his head. "Okay guys, let's spread out."

Lucy sighed, blowing her bangs out of her face. "That won't be hard to do," she said crossing her arms. "This place isn't very big."

Jocelyn locked eyes with Lucy across the patch. "Then I guess it won't take that long."

There was a beat of silence.

"How about we go over there?" suggested Hazelle, trying to ease the situation. "C'mon Lucy!"

Lucy waited an extra second before turning stiffly and following Hazelle to the far corner of the pumpkin patch.

Jocelyn was getting very tired of Lucy's bad attitude. Lucy's comment about "going along with being happy they were there" made Jocelyn want to laugh hysterically. Lucy hadn't pretended to go along with it for one single second.

"So tensions are high…" observed Mabel, coming over to Jocelyn with Dipper.

"No, it's fine," Jocelyn replied, flipping her braid over her shoulder. She put on a smile. "Now let's go find that squash!" Mabel cheered and skipped away to another corner of the patch.

Dipper looked up from his journal and fixed his gaze on Jocelyn. "Are you sure you're okay? You and Lucy just seem really tight and on edge."

"_I'm_ fine. I'm perfectly content with being here," Jocelyn answered, examining some split ends. "Lucy's just… I don't know. Difficult. But whatever. Where should we look first?"

Dipper and Mabel exchanged a glance, and Dipper turned back to the journal. "Well, according to this, the most evil is found at the northern edge of the pumpkin patch. So let's look there."

Jocelyn followed Dipper and Mabel to the northern edge of the patch, and the three began to search the perimeter of the patch for any signs of suspicious looking vegetables. As they rounded the sides of the patch, they met up again with Lucy and Hazelle. Lucy stood at the edge of the group with her arms crossed, avoiding eye contact with everyone.

"We didn't see anything," Hazelle reported. "What about you guys?"

"Same here," Mabel replied. "I guess there's no pies being made," she added with a pout.

"Yeah," Dipper said. "We didn't come up with anything."

"Well that's because we're in a TV show. _It's not real._"

Jocelyn saw Dipper blanch, and Mabel winced. Then something snapped inside her.

"I can't believe you! It's one thing to complain to me and Hazelle, but in _front of them?!_ This _is_ their reality! To them, this _isn't _a TV show! And guess what? We're here! Everything is tangible! So tell me this, Lucy, _is. This. REAL!?"_

As Jocelyn finished telling Lucy off, she threw her hands in the air. She felt a small crackle of electricity, and the hair on her arms stood up. There was a large gust of wind, almost like a sudden hurricane had hit Gravity Falls.

Everyone around Jocelyn looked alarmed, and she couldn't figure out why. She watched Hazelle's eyes widen, and her jaw drop. Everyone had eyes fixed on a point about ten feet above Jocelyn's head.

Slowly, through the violent wind, Jocelyn looked up.

Above her head, there was a large black hole that looked both flat and three-dimensional at the same time that seemed to be the source of the wind.

As soon as Jocelyn laid eyes on the hole, she shrieked. Her knees felt weak. As she ran out of breath, the hole closed with a flash of light and a zap of electricity. She fell to her knees.

"What the-" Hazelle breathed.

"Woah!" screamed Mabel. "What was that?"

The last thing Jocelyn heard before everything went black was Dipper murmuring "I… I think that was Jocelyn…"


	15. Chapter 15

**WARPED**

Chapter 15

Lucy's eyes widened into saucers. _What the hell just happened?_ she wondered, her anger gone and replaced with frantic confusion.

_See? I told you the three of you have something I want,_ came a voice in Lucy's head in reply.

This voice that Lucy hadn't been able to shake did nothing to ease her confusion and unease about being in Gravity Falls. It didn't help that this voice was oddly familiar…

"Jocelyn!" Hazelle yelled as she ran over to her lifeless friend. "What's wrong with her? And what the hell was that?!"

Dipper was frantically flipping through the journal for answers. "I don't see anything in here! But I… I think that might have been… Jocelyn."

"Well, whatever it was," Hazelle replied, "we can't just leave her here! We've gotta get her back to the shack! Lucy, come get her legs!"

Lucy cautiously approached Jocelyn's lifeless body and crouched down, taking Jocelyn's wrist in her hand. "She's still breathing, and her pulse is steady. She should be fine."

"We still need to move her," retorted Hazelle. "Now grab her legs!"

"Lucky she's so skinny, otherwise Dipper's arms couldn't handle her! WOMP!" quipped Mabel, trying to lighten the mood.

"Mabel, please," Dipper replied, tucking the journal away in his vest, and moving to help Hazelle get Jocelyn's arms. "Now is not the time to be commenting on my physical appearance."

"Okay," Hazelle said, getting a good grip on Jocelyn's upper body. "One, two, three, lift!" Dipper, Lucy, and Hazelle hoisted Jocelyn's lifeless body into the air and began to carry her back in the direction they came.

"I'll lead the way!" shouted Mabel, forging ahead of the group and into the forest. "Watch out for those roots!"

No one said anything as the four of them made their way back through the forest with Jocelyn hanging between them. The silence was deafening, and Lucy couldn't take it. Mostly because it left her alone with her thoughts, and the voice that wouldn't leave her alone.

_I told you that you have something I want. And this is it. All three of you can do this. And it's dangerous. I'm only trying to help._

Lucy couldn't help but reply to the voice in her head. _LEAVE ME ALONE! I don't want anything to do with this! I just want to go home!_

_Oh, but here's the thing, Pen, _I _can send you and your friends home. All you need to do is trust me._

Lucy couldn't take the silence anymore.

"So what do you guys think that… _thing_ was?" she asked, starting a conversation.

"I'm not really sure what it was…" Dipper replied, sounding uneasy. "There wasn't anything in the journal, but I'll look more when we get back to the house."

_Ah, Pine Tree, _came the voice again. _Always faithful in that journal of his._ Lucy stopped and shook her head, trying to scatter the voice.

"Hey! Watch out for Jocelyn!" Hazelle exclaimed, as Lucy had almost dropped her.

"Sorry," Lucy muttered, tightening her grip on Jocelyn and continuing on with the group.

Hazelle's eyes narrowed. "Are you sure you're okay, Lucy?"

"Yeah, it was just a bug," Lucy replied, not meeting Hazelle's eyes.

"Okay then…"

"Hey slowpokes!" came Mabel's shout from up ahead. "There's the shack! Let's go!"

Hazelle quickened her pace. "C'mon guys, we gotta get her back."

"Hey, watch out for those roots!" protested Dipper against the quicker pace, but Hazelle had already nimbly stepped around the roots, dead set on getting Jocelyn safely inside the Mystery Shack.

Once they crossed the threshold of the shack, Mabel's yell rang out, "GRUNKLE STAN! WE NEED YOU!"

Grumbling, Stan came down the stairs and into the living room. "What did you kids get into this ti— what in blazes happened to her?"

Hazelle, Dipper, Mabel, and Lucy exchanged a look. "Um, it's kind of a long story," Dipper answered, seemingly unsure if they should tell Stan about their encounter in the woods.

"But she's breathing, and her pulse is steady," Lucy interjected, "so she should be fine."

Stan thought for a moment. "Lay her out on the chair until she wakes up." He then picked up his coffee cup and shuffled back into the gift shop, grumbling under his breath.

"So now what?" Mabel asked, eyeing Jocelyn warily.

"Well," replied Dipper, plopping down on the floor with Journal #3 in his lap, "I guess now we wait."

Silence once again took over the group. The only sounds were Dipper turning the pages of Journal #3, and the clack of Mabel's knitting needles. Hazelle kept a watchful eye on Jocelyn, waiting for signs of life. There was a clock ticking on the wall, and the noise combined with the silence made Lucy want to scream.

_So how's it feel to be the odd one out, Pen?_ asked the voice in Lucy's head. _Always pitted against, never agreed with. You're the third wheel in every which way._

"I'm not!" Lucy yelled, making everyone in the room jump.

"You're not what, Luce?" asked Hazelle tearing her gaze away from Jocelyn.

"I… I, um… Nothing."

"Ooookay…" Hazelle replied, obviously not convinced. She turned her eyes back to Jocelyn.

_Smooth moves, Pen._

"Hey guys?" Dipper called, breaking the silence. "I think I found something. Listen to this." Everyone crowded around Dipper and the journal. "_In my goings in Gravity Falls and the surrounding world, I have discovered a small number of individuals that I refer to as 'portal jumpers.' These portal jumpers have the ability to open portals to other dimensions in moments of extreme emotion, when inexperienced, or at any time at all if they are able to control their abilities. There are not many of these individuals left, as they seem to be killed off by bizarre, inexplicable accidents. However, I have come to the conclusion that some of these accidents may have been triggered by the portal jumpers own actions. Some of these individuals' powers are stronger than others, but, regardless, these individuals are dangerous. If these portal jumpers cannot control their powers, their powers are a danger to themselves, and anyone they may come into contact with. In some cases, these portal jumpers can be deadly._"

"So… does that mean that Jocelyn is…?" Hazelle began.

Just then, a voice behind the group made everyone freeze.

"Hey guys," Jocelyn asked groggily. "What happened?"


	16. Chapter 16

WARPED

Chapter 16

"Jocelyn?" Hazelle whispered.

She cautiously made her way over to her friend, inspecting her current state. Jocelyn seemed really sleepy and bleary-eyed, but not in any obvious pain. She even had the strength to sit up in the chair, rubbing her temples and grimacing.

"God, my head is killing me," Jocelyn complained. "How the hell did we get back to the Shack? What happened?"

"You…you don't remember?" Hazelle asked, frowning.

Jocelyn made a face. "I remember being in the woods…and I got really mad about something…and then it got really windy…" She gasped. "OH MY GOD AND THEN THAT BLACK HOLE! I remember now!"

Hazelle bit the tip of her thumbnail. This was way bigger than anything she'd been anticipating. First they were brought to Gravity Falls by some mysterious enemy for some unknown plot, and now Dipper was saying Jocelyn was a _portal jumper_? That _Jocelyn _had been the one to create that crazy black hole in the woods? Jocelyn couldn't even use chopsticks!

"It wasn't a black hole though!" Dipper flung the journal into Jocelyn's lap. "It was a portal! A portal _you _made!"

"I _what_?" Jocelyn read the page Dipper had opened and shook her head. "I didn't—there's no way—"

"How did you close it?" Dipper demanded.

Jocelyn paled. "I—I DIDN'T KNOW WHAT TO DO SO I JUST SCREAMED!"

"Everybody just calm down!" Hazelle announced. "Emotions are the things that set off that portal in the first place! Until we figure this out, we've got to be careful." She looked to Jocelyn. "Okay?"

"I'm not a baby," Jocelyn snapped. "Don't treat me like one."

"Okay, okay!" Hazelle backed up a couple steps, holding up her hands in surrender. "Just calm down, Joss."

"I'M NOT GONNA OPEN A PORTAL IN THE MYSTERY SHACK!"

"Just like you didn't open one in the middle of the woods?"

Jocelyn folded her arms across her chest. "'Cause that was on _purpose_," she said sarcastically.

"Look." Hazelle fixed a stern glare everyone in the room. "I don't care if it was or wasn't on purpose. In fact, I don't really think I care at all. All I care about right now is _not _opening any portals in the Mystery Shack and _not _putting ourselves in any more danger until we have to. So I propose we take a breather and cool it down a bit. My current goal is to _not _destroy Gravity Falls. Okay?"

Jocelyn handed the journal back to Dipper and sighed. Mabel shrugged. Dipper hummed under his breath and bookmarked the portal jumper page. Lucy shoved her hands into her pockets and left the living room

"Glad we're in agreement," Hazelle sighed, deflating.

**XxX**

Day turned to night, and Hazelle's head was pounding. Stan had "asked" for their assistance in the Mystery Shack after their "meeting" in the living room, and she'd been at it for hours. Stocking, re-stocking, and sprinting up to the roof with Dipper to stop the _A _in the _Mystery Hack _sign from falling on unsuspecting customers really took a lot out of a person, and she was ready for bed the minute the OPEN sign flipped to CLOSED.

But bed would have to wait. There was work to be done.

After a dinner of PB&J, milk, and Chipackers (courtesy of Chef Mabel, who ended up almost setting the house on fire by trying to roast marshmallows over the stove), Hazelle retired to the roof, claiming she wanted to check up on "that tricky _A_ that had put up such a fight." This was a lie, but she had to pacify the Pines into thinking she wasn't up to anything.

Which, of course, she was.

The evening air was refreshing on Hazelle's sweaty skin. She took a careful seat, perched far from the end of the roof, and gazed up into the starry summer sky.

_Meet me on the roof in 5, _she texted Jocelyn. _Come alone._

After her phone bleeped with the sending of the text, the night was silent. It was hard to believe such a quiet little town like Gravity Falls was involved in so many mysteries. It was hard to believe quiet _Hazelle _was involved in so many mysteries. Crossing dimensions, dream demons, portal jumpers—now she understood why Dipper was so freaked out all the time. Every new turn was a new danger!

Considering how freaked out she felt, it looked like she and Dipper had more in common than they thought.

Footsteps made Hazelle jump, and Jocelyn sat down next to her, wearing a flower crown.

"Wow, _you _look freaked out," Jocelyn commented, as if reading her mind.

"Said portal girl," Hazelle retorted.

Jocelyn rolled her eyes. "I thought we were 'taking a breather'?"

Hazelle gave her a look. "It was for your own good. We don't know how making portals can affect your health."

"Or the health of the people around me, I guess," Jocelyn sighed. "Sorry for being snappy. Finding our you're a portal jump is kinda…"

"Crazy?" Hazelle filled in, grinning. "Welcome to Gravity Falls, Joss."

Jocelyn laughed and punched Hazelle in the shoulder—too hard, as Hazelle winced and rubbed the place Jocelyn had slammed. "Those are always good words to hear, even if this town is nuts. Speaking of nuts, why are we having this super-secret-meeting on the _roof_?"

"If there are other secret, more private parts of the Shack, I don't know about them. This was our best bet to get away from the twins and Stan."

"To discuss _what_?"

"Stan's portal!" Hazelle said. "If it wasn't imperative that we talk about it with him before, then it's crucial now. Maybe he knows a thing or two about portal jumpers and can help you learn to control it. Besides, he needs to know that we know. We may need his help, at the end of all this, to get home. Whatever this is."

Jocelyn narrowed her eyes. "What about Lucy?"

Hazelle took a deep breath. "I won't tell her if you don't."

"Whoa." Jocelyn smirked. "Since when did you get so conniving?"

"I'm not _conniving_," Hazelle said, biting her lip. "I'm worried. Joss, Lucy's been acting really weird lately. I think something's wrong."

"Of course something's wrong. It's _Lucy_."

"I'm serious. She looks like she's listening to something else—or some_one _else—sometimes. I'll randomly look at her and she'll be cringing in pain. She's been snappy and distant and I think involving her in any more of this may set her off." Hazelle leaned back, as if she was reassuring herself. "It's for her own good. If we bring her along, she could get overwhelmed, and you know how much she wants to go home—what if Stan says he can't help? She'll flip. We'll let her relax and then we'll fill her in on what we learn."

"She won't be happy that we're leaving her out," Jocelyn said.

Hazelle sighed. "I know. But her bad attitude may get us in trouble one day while we're on this adventure. She needs to cool off."

"Alrighty," Jocelyn said, obviously in full agreement. "So what's our plan of action?"

"Wait until Mabel and Dipper go to bed and for Stan to head for the vending machine," Hazelle explained, "and then follow him down."

"I guess that means we won't have to…BREAK IN. DUH UH DUH UH DUH UH!"

Hazelle laughed so hard, her glasses slipped down her nose. "By the way, what's with the flower crown?"

"Oh, this ol' thing?" Jocelyn smoothed it back. "Mabel and I were making them. Ooh, look, I made you one too!"

Hazelle glared. "Really?" she deadpanned. "You know I'm allergic to daisies, right?"

Jocelyn's only reply was a mischievous grin.

**XxX**

Eventually, they saw the light in the twins' bedroom go out. Taking Lucy's absence as a sign that she wasn't around, Hazelle and Jocelyn crept down from the roof and waited in the shadows of the hallway.

"I wonder where Lucy is," Hazelle mumbled.

"Who cares? I wonder where _Stan_ is," Jocelyn whispered.

Hazelle considered, but couldn't shake the worry Lucy's absence was causing. Where could she have gone? "Let's try the living room. There might be a _The Duchess Approves _marathon or something."

"Only in his dreams," Jocelyn snickered.

Tiptoeing, they made their way down to the living room, avoiding any planks of wooden floorboard that may squeak and give away their position. But there Stan was, in his chair, digging into a bag of Chocosaur Dinosaur-Shaped Chocolate Chip Cookies—_the Jurassic Snack! _and watching the old lady movie channel.

"_This _is our secretive portal expert?" Jocelyn asked, snapping a picture of Stan on her phone.

"Looks can be deceiving," Hazelle responded, rubbing the back of her neck. "Or, at least, Stan's looks can be deceiving. Really, _really _deceiving."

They waited in the dark until Stan finally shut off the TV and stretched. "Now _that's _what I call quality TV," he muttered. Hazelle and Jocelyn scurried out of sight as he entered the hall and peered up the stairs. "Twins are asleep." He nodded to himself and then took off.

"Go go go go _go_," Jocelyn hissed.

"I'm going, I'm going!" Hazelle muttered.

They followed Stan to the gift shop and watched with bated breaths as he imputed the code into the vending machine. The machine growled and opened, and Stan swept paranoid eyes across the room before shutting the door.

"Now!" Hazelle hissed. She sprinted forward and caught the end of the vending machine an inch before it locked back into the wall.

"All right! You got the hands with the plans," Jocelyn said.

"I guess those sprints in band really paid off, huh?" Hazelle asked, grinning.

"For once," Jocelyn added with an eye roll.

Entering Stan's hidden lab was a dream come true for Hazelle. After getting off the elevator at level 3, she gazed around in the dark with wide, excited eyes, taking in every puff of steam, every blinking light, every bright screen that displayed a tiny section of Gravity Falls. She could find out the answers to every Gravity Falls conspiracy known to the fandom! Every one of her questions and theories would be either proven true or debunked! She, Hazelle Krimms, was really in the laboratory of a secretive portal scientist!

"This is amazing," she whispered, lightly touching a screen that showed the back of the Mystery Shack.

Jocelyn laughed and poked a dial, making more steam billow into the room. "Tap tap!"

"Jocelyn!" Hazelle shouted. "Be careful! We can't let Stan find out yet that we're—"

"What the—" Stan emerged from the steam and clenched his teeth, glaring. "What are you two doing down here?!"

Hazelle slumped. "—here," she finished lamely.


	17. Chapter 17

WARPED

Chapter 17

Jocelyn and Hazelle froze. Leave it to the two of them to get caught.

"Well?" asked Stan angrily, looming over them.

"Well…we uh…we were just—um…" stammered Hazelle.

Jocelyn decided to take charge.

"LISTEN HERE, OLD MAN!" shouted Jocelyn, pointing an accusing finger at Stan. "We know about your portal, and since I _opened_ one today, _you're_ gonna help us!"

"You—portal—what?" Stan asked, confused. "And I'm not that old!"

"Well you seem to be somewhat elderly—" Jocelyn began.

"That doesn't matter!" Hazelle interjected. "Stan, we need your help. Today in the woods Jocelyn opened a portal, and Dipper thinks that she's a portal jumper. Also we think your portal can get us home."

"How in blazes do you know about that?" Stan demanded, his face darkening. "I've kept this a secret for 30 years!"

"TV show. Huge plot point," Jocelyn answered, crossing her arms across her chest.

Stan glared at Jocelyn. "That stupid alternate reality. How much have they shown you?" Jocelyn opened her mouth to respond, and Stan pinched the bridge of his nose. "Never mind, I don't wanna know."

Hazelle pressed on. "So now that that's cleared up, can you help us?"

Stan sighed and sat down on a nearby chair. "Gee, I don't know kid. Using the portal could be dangerous. And what's this about that one opening a portal?" he asked, jabbing a thumb in Jocelyn's direction.

"Just what we said," Jocelyn answered, puffing some loose strands of hair out of her face. "And I have a name, you know!"

"Yeah, yeah," Stan replied, rolling his eyes. He turned to Hazelle. "So what happened?"

Hazelle thought for a moment. "Well, Lucy was being her sullen self, and she happened to mention in front of Dipper and Mabel that 'this is a TV show.'" Hazelle began, putting quotations in the air with her fingers. "She managed to seriously piss Jocelyn off, and Jocelyn told her off. She seemed to get really worked up, and when she was done, she threw her hands in the air. Then it gets weird." Hazelle pushed her glasses up her nose and took a deep breath. "It got really windy, and this black hole looking thing just, I don't know, _opened_ about ten feet above Jocelyn. It was scary. Once Jocelyn realized what was going on, and noticed the portal, she screamed, and then she fainted. Once that happened, the black hole closed, and the wind stopped. None of us knew what to make of it. Then we took Jocelyn back to the Shack."

Jocelyn listened to the account of what happened, interested. It was so weird to hear Hazelle talk about Jocelyn opening a portal—to describe what it had been like to watch her best friend faint from the aftereffects of portal jumping. It was almost like she was listening to Hazelle retell the plot of some crazy fantasy novel.

Except this wasn't a novel (as cool of a novel as it would be). This was real life. Jocelyn _really _had powers.

Stan nodded, thoughtful. "That definitely sounds like a portal jumper. Sharp emotional peak, the fact that it vamoosed as soon as you freaked, the loss of energy," he observed. He looked at Jocelyn. "Has this ever happened before?"

Jocelyn thought for a second. "Not that I can think of. The only instance I can think of is when I was five and had a temper tantrum because I couldn't have some candy or something. Our power went out for four hours."

Hazelle gasped. "That actually makes a lot of sense! I just remember noticing the lights flickering sometimes, more when you were angry or really excited."

Jocelyn made a face. "Really?"

"Yeah," Hazelle replied. "Remember when in fourth grade when you found out you were playing Rapunzel in the school play? You squealed and jumped up and down, and Mrs. Freud commented that they needed to fix the lights in this room."

"But that room had really crappy lights, Haze," Jocelyn said, crossing her arms. She wasn't one to be skeptical, but the probability of her being a portal jumper was something she wanted to be sure of.

"Okay, well, regardless the lighting situation at your elementary school, you definitely show symptoms of a portal jumper." Stan didn't seem happy to deliver the news.

Jocelyn paled. "What does that mean though? And how do I control it?"

Stan sighed again. "It means that you can jump realities. You just need to keep your emotions in check."

"Wait a minute," Hazelle interjected. "Dipper read in the journal that opening portals can be done at will. How does she do _that_?"

"I'm not really sure," Stan admitted. "I know that it takes a lot of concentration, and a lot of energy. I can do more research, and help you _not _destroy the town."

"What about _your_ portal?" Hazelle pressed.

Stan shook his head. "No. It's too dangerous, and I don't want to risk sending anything too big. It might mess something up." His tone made it obvious his decision wasn't up for argument.

Jocelyn beamed. "Looks like we're stuck here a little while longer."

Hazelle rolled her eyes. "We can't stay here forever, Joss."

Stan began pushing the two of them back to the elevator. "And if by here you mean _here_, you're right. Beat it, you two, and don't sneak down here anymore. I'll _get _you if I need you." He punched a code into the elevator. Before the door closed, he uttered one final warning. "Whatever you do, do not tell Mabel and Dipper about this. They're bound to be curious, and I couldn't live with myself if either of them got hurt."

Hazelle pretended to zip her lips, and Jocelyn struck a salute. "Sir, yes, sir!"

Stan rolled his eyes, but a smirk played at his lips. "Go get some sleep, kids. I have a feeling tomorrow's gonna be a good tourist day."

The doors shut, leaving Grunkle Stan to his lab and his secrets.

**XxX**

"Well _that _was helpful," Jocelyn commented as they arrived back in the gift shop.

"It certainly wasn't _un_helpful," Hazelle, ever the optimist, replied, cleaning her glasses on her shirt. "I guess we'll just have to play it by ear, and in the meantime, look for other ways home."

The two friends trudged up the stairs to the twins' room, lost in thought but keen enough to look out for squeaky floorboards—the _last _thing they wanted was to have to explain to the twins why they were sneaking around the Shack so late at night.

Jocelyn was quiet as they climbed into sleeping bags and settled for bed. "Hazelle?" she asked after a moment of silence.

"Yeah?" Hazelle whispered, already half asleep.

"Do you think I'm… dangerous?"

"No, Joss, I don't. You're a good person; don't think about it too much. Get some sleep."

Jocelyn rolled over and faced the wall, but sleep never came.


	18. Chapter 18

WARPED

Chapter 18

Lucy woke up in the middle of the woods.

She was lying in the middle of a circular clearing, with no memory of how she got there. She didn't even remember falling asleep—or unconscious? Her head thumped with every beat of her pulse and her limbs felt too loose. Something was up.

Lucy slowly sat up and looked around. It was dark out, and she could see a billion stars. This struck her as odd: the last thing she could remember was leaving the room after Jocelyn woke up. The rest was a blank.

Lucy stood up and looked around, strangely calm after waking up in the middle of the woods. Was it possible she was starting to get used to the odd things that crossed her path in Gravity Falls?

She shook off the thought instantly with a stubborn frown. She could feel herself being watched—that wasn't something you got used to.

"Hiya, Pen!" came an amused voice behind her.

Lucy whirled around, and there was Bill Cipher, floating in front of her with his abnormal golden glow. _Shocker._ She rubbed her eyes, thinking she was still asleep.

"Don't worry, Sleeping Beauty, you're awake!" Bill exclaimed, answering her thoughts. "I'm here, with you! Don't expect any true love's kiss, though. That's gross."

"How…" Lucy began, lost for words.

"Did I get here?" Bill finished. "That necklace in your pocket!"

"The neck—you mean this thing?" Lucy asked, fishing out the triangle-shaped stone. "I don't even know where this came from!"

Bill chuckled. "That's cause I had you walk out here last night to get it!"

Lucy froze. "You _what_?"

"Ever play with a puppet, Pen?" With a flick of his wrist, Bill created a mini-Lucy, complete with the short, curly hair, matching outfit, and wide googly eyes. "They're really fun, ya know. You can make them do whatever you want and go wherever you want. This is especially fun with life sized puppets!" He held it out to her. "Wanna try? Don't worry, she won't bite. Unless you want her to. That's what's so fun about puppets—they can't do _anything _you don't like. We could have a puppet show one day!"

Lucy smacked the puppet version of herself out of Bill's tiny hand, and it sailed into the dewy grass. "You're…you're _sick_," she snarled. "How _dare _you think you can treat me like some stupid little doll? I'm a real person, you freak! And I want you to leave me alone!"

"Hmm. So I guess you're _not _up for the puppet show," Bill remarked. "That's a shame. I needed some practice. Anyway, you and me both know I can't leave ya alone, Pen."

"And why's that?" Lucy growled.

"You want answers!" Bill said. "You're _desperate _for them. And you're not gonna get any hanging around with Caduceus and Music Note. Especially when they're out having their own mystery adventures and leaving you out."

Lucy narrowed her eyes. "What are you talking about?"

"Just what I said, dummy!" Bill replied, flashing Lucy an image of Jocelyn and Hazelle entering the room behind the vending machine in the Mystery Shack. "While you were gone earlier they paid a visit to Stan Pines!"

Lucy felt like she'd been punched in the gut. "No. No way. They'd never do that. You're lying!"

"Now would I lie to you, Pen?" Bill asked innocently, twirling his cane.

"Well, seeing as you're a demon, yes," Lucy quipped. "And my mom always said to never trust a demon."

"That doesn't make me a liar!" Bill protested, eye glowing red. The air crackled with energy. Lucy winced and held up her hands in surrender.

"Okay, okay," she replied, backing away. "Well, fine. You've got my attention. Especially if you're not gonna leave me alone, any time soon. What do you want?"

"Nothing really, Pen," Bill answered, regaining his composure. "I want to propose a deal!"

Lucy shook her head. "Uh uh. There is no way in hell I'm making a deal with a dream demon."

"Why don't you wait to hear me out? I have a feeling you might like my terms."

Lucy wanted to get back to the shack, but she was curious as to what Bill had to say. Curiosity had always been one of her weaknesses—not as bad as Hazelle, though, whose curiosity Lucy was sure would get her killed one day.

"I knew you'd come around!" Bill exclaimed, reading her thoughts. His arm extended to curl around her shoulders. "So here's the deal: you want to get home. And that thing that Music Note can do? All three of you can do it. I can make that all go away, _and_ send you home to boot!"

"We have those powers too? And you can get rid of them?" Lucy was still uneasy, itching his arm off. "What's the catch?"

Bill twirled his top hat. "No catch. All I need you to do it get yourself, Music Note, and Caduceus together, _alone_, in this clearing. You can use that necklace to summon me, but it won't really be necessary, because I'll be watching you, so I'll know either way!"

Lucy thought for a minute, her mind flip flopping back and forth between _home _and _danger._ "But what do _you_ get out of this?"

"Sheesh, Pen, does everything have to have a catch with you? I'm helping you get home!"

Lucy bit back the first thing that came to mind: _You're the only one offering to help. _"Can I think it over?"

"I suppose that seems reasonable." Bill pulled out a large pocket watch. "I'll give you until sunset tomorrow."

"That sounds… fair." Lucy made a face. "I think."

"Then I'll see you then, Pen!" Bill laughed. "Don't get into too much trouble! Oh, also, if I were you, I'd go see what's up with Caduceus and Music Note—looks like they're really getting' into the Gravity Falls secret-keeping spirit!"

Bill's laughed lingered in the air after he disappeared, leaving Lucy alone in the clearing with her fears.

**XxX**

By the time Lucy had made her way back to the Mystery Shack, the sun had risen. She was no expert at telling time by the sun, but it had to be at least eight in the morning. She apparently slept through the night (not in her _bed_, anyway), but she felt like she'd pulled an all-nighter.

Even though she had clearly seen Bill vanish with a swish of his hat and cane back in the woods, it still felt like he was around. And the scariest thing about it all was that it didn't freak her out like it had used to. In fact, it almost felt _comforting_.

Lucy knew that was crazy talk. But in reality, Bill was the only person who kept checking up on her. The Pines family did it because they were nice, not because they cared. Hazelle was the world's biggest worrywart—it had begun to annoy Lucy, how often Hazelle asked if she was alright, because it didn't feel genuine to her, almost like Hazelle was carrying it out like a chore. And Jocelyn? As long as she was in Gravity Falls, Lucy could've very well not existed.

But Bill…interacted with her. He was trying to help, even if he did have a darker purpose behind it all. Bill was _trying_, which was more than Lucy could say about her so-called "friends."

Lucy's face hardened. She tied Bill's necklace around her neck, and for the first time since she'd landed in Gravity Fall, she felt calm.

She walked in through the kitchen door of the Shack, and found Hazelle, Dipper, and Stan sitting at the breakfast table. Hazelle looked concerned, and jumped up when Lucy entered.

"Lucy! Where have you been? Are you okay? And why are there leaves in your hair? Where were you?"

The fussy questions did nothing to help her mood. Leave it to Hazelle to freak out over _everything. _"Out," Lucy responded, pushing past Hazelle dismissively, the image of her and Jocelyn sneaking down to Stan's lab still fresh in her mind.

Dipper looked up from his journal. "Are you sure you're okay? You look kind of…awful."

Stan snickered from behind his newspaper. "At least the kid's honest."

Hazelle shot the two of them a look. "Are you really sure you're okay, Luce?"

"Yeah," Lucy mumbled, not meeting Hazelle's gaze. "I just need to shower."

"The bathroom's upstairs, you can go ahead and use Mabel's shampoo and stuff," Dipper supplied, turning back to the journal.

Lucy muttered some thanks and made her way up the stairs. She figured she was safe from seeing Jocelyn for some time, because Jocelyn made it a personal rule to never get up before 10 unless she absolutely had to.

As the cold spray hit Lucy's back (did the Shack even have warm running water? Freaking Stan!), she mulled over Bill's offer. It didn't seem like that big of a deal to get Jocelyn and Hazelle to the clearing. Bill would get rid of their powers, and send them home. What was there not to like?

There was some small part of Lucy that felt like Bill couldn't be trusted. He was a _demon_ for Christ sakes. Lucy didn't believe that there wasn't a catch. She wasn't sure what to do.

But she realized that she hadn't wanted to remove the necklace for her shower. She somehow felt better with it on. And anything that made her feel better in this messed up situation couldn't be _that _bad.

By the time Lucy had dried off and made her way downstairs, the sky had turned a gloomy gray, and a steady drizzle was hitting the windows and leaking through some ceilings in the Shack. It made for a depressing feel, and everyone in the Mystery Shack was silent, as if the clouds had muffled anything they wanted to say.

Lucy was pushing some oatmeal around in a bowl when Jocelyn stumbled down the stairs, rubbing her eyes. Lucy looked up, but then quickly looked down again, not wanting to start anything.

"What time is it?" Jocelyn yawned. She stretched, cracking her back and elbows. Lucy cringed. She hated that noise.

"Ten-sixteen," Lucy mumbled in reply, glancing at her phone.

Jocelyn paused and looked at Lucy before grabbing a cold pancake from the counter.

"Thanks," she said before heading to the den to join everyone else in front of the TV.

This one word was more than Jocelyn had said to Lucy in more than 24 hours, and Lucy couldn't help but feel a glimmer of happiness that Jocelyn had decided to bridge their friendship. Jocelyn could really hold a grudge, but when she decided to forgive, she was the most loyal friend you could ever find.

Lucy began to rethink her position with Bill. If her friends were ready to be her friends again, maybe they didn't need a dream demon. The three of them could find a way home by themselves.

She reached up to take off the necklace, but the sound of footsteps made her hand freeze. She heard Hazelle and Jocelyn start up the stairs, talking in whispers.

Lucy's eyes narrowed. She followed them up, taking extra precautions to stay unseen. They ducked into the twins' bedroom, and she hovered outside the ajar door, listening.

"She's getting worse," Hazelle hissed.

"Did she even say where she was last night?" asked Jocelyn, biting down on the last piece of pancake.

"Of course not! Now she's keeping secrets, Joss. Something's really wrong."

"Look, I don't want to be _that person_, but don't you think you're being a bit hypocritical? We're keeping secrets, too."

"For her own good! She started all this…_secret-keeping _when she didn't tell us what was wrong with her! Now I'm too worried to tell her about Stan's lab and all the info we learned. You know how it works here—in Gravity Falls, you don't just keep a secret. You guard it with your life."

"So, what, you think Lucy's out causing trouble? Getting mixed up with bad people?"

"I just think she's keeping something big from us. I think she has been this whole time. I know we should have brought her when we tried to spy on Stan, but there's something about her that's worrying me."

"Hazelle, _everything _worries you."

"I _have _to worry! Lucy's AWOL, you're a portal jumper—what's next, I'm Santa Claus?!"

"If only."

"JOSS!"

"Okay, okay! Jeesh. Look, how 'bout this…"

Lucy didn't hear the rest. She was already flying down the stairs, out the door, and back into the woods, feet a flurry against the ground. The blood roared in her ears and her heart burned with rage.

Bill had been telling the truth. They _had _gone and seen Stan! Without her! And they were going to treat it like their special little secret. Stupid Hazelle, treating her like some fragile little flower. Stupid Jocelyn, so committal that she probably really couldn't care less about Lucy. They were sneaking around and keeping secrets from her, _lying _to her.

Lucy was back in the clearing, panting and teeth gritted. The betrayal stung like a slap slathered in snake venom. How could they do this to her? Exclude her like she was some secondary character—unimportant, underdeveloped, _useless_?

The scream ripped from her throat.

"BILL!"

After a few moments of gloomy silence, the dream demon reappeared, checking out his nonexistent fingernails. "Back so soon? I thought we agreed on tomorrow." But he didn't sound surprised—he sounded delighted.

"Screw tomorrow," Lucy snarled. She stuck out her hand. "It's a deal. I'll get them right where you want them."

Despite missing a mouth, Bill was positively grinning. "Clear your schedule, kid—you're _all mine _now."

His hand grabbed hers and they shook, their interlocked fists erupting into blue flames so bright they lit up the gloom like lightning.


	19. Chapter 19

WARPED

Chapter 19

Hazelle didn't like it one bit.

"Look, how 'bout this," Jocelyn was saying, exhausted with Hazelle's worrying. "We'll ask her tonight. We'll get her alone and talk it out. But let's just see what happens for right now. If she's still like she was last night, we not even be able to find her."

"That's the _point_," Hazelle hissed.

Jocelyn groaned. "You're lucky you're my best friend or else I'd be strangling you right now. Look, she's not a baby—she can do what she wants. If her secrets become a problem, we'll intervene. But at least for today, can we just chill out? How much can happen on a rainy day?"

Hazelle wanted to keep arguing—_A lot, have you forgotten we're in Gravity Falls?!_—but she was suddenly fed up with worrying, like it was draining the life out of her. Which it probably was: Hazelle could stress herself out so easily she had developed strategies to tranquilize the aching anxiety that would fester in her stomach. So she let go and said, "Alright, fine," with a sigh that meant it.

"Awesome." Jocelyn grinned. "Now how about some good ol' TV?"

They meandered back down the stairs and came to the den, but the only person left was Mabel, occupying Stan's chair like a victorious queen on her throne.

"Where'd everybody go?" asked Hazelle, taking note of Lucy's disappearance.

"To the gift shop. Stan's opening it and wanted help." Mabel smirked and drummed her fingers together. "I'm hiding in here. Mabel needs a day off."

"He's gonna find you eventually."

"He'll never catch me alive!" Mabel squawked. "But he wanted to guys to help. If he asks, you never saw me."

"To the gift shop!" Jocelyn proclaimed, pointing in the wrong direction.

The gift shop was quiet for the exception of Stan's humming _The Stan Wrong Song_ and the roar of the rain. The merchandise was set up and the shop was polished, but it was obvious that it was going to be a slow day. Stan sat behind the cash register, Dipper in a stool next to him and Soos sweeping away in the corner.

"About time!" Stan said as they entered. "Where were you two slackers?"

"We were busy drinking expired apple juice and kissing boys," Jocelyn said, making Hazelle smirk.

"Like you two aren't enough trouble," Stan said. But they could hear his good-natured teasing in his voice: a tone they knew he'd normally only let out for Dipper and Mabel. "By the way, have either of you seen Mabel?"

"Nope, haven't seen her," Hazelle replied, hiding back a giggle.

"Business sure is booming," Jocelyn commented, hopping up onto the counter.

"This'll probably be a slow day." Stan shook his head at the empty shop, like it was the saddest thing he'd ever seen. "But we'll get a couple suckers—_I mean_, valued customers. They'll wander in like bugs to a flame."

Hazelle peered over Dipper's shoulder and pulled over another stool. He was consumed with a crossword puzzle, clicking the end of his pen repeatedly. "Eight letter word for edible sea creature," she read. "Seems a little…_fishy_, Dipper."

Stan and Jocelyn groaned in tandem. "Sweet Moses," Stan griped. "That…that was just awful."

"She's had worse," Jocelyn confided, with the same air as if telling a ghost story.

Hazelle ignored them and thought for a moment. "'Flounder'?" she guessed.

The clicking stopped. "FLOUNDER!" Dipper yelled, scrawling it in. "Duh! How could I have not seen that?" He grinned at Hazelle. "You're good at these."

"She's a whiz at puzzles," Jocelyn cut in. "She's addicted to the game show network back in our reality. She's basically an eighty year old woman."

"I have an inner old lady who likes trivia and puzzles," Hazelle said with a laugh. "I named her Margaret."

"Let's see here…" Dipper squinted down at the crossword puzzle. "How about…an eight letter word for irritating."

"'Jocelyn,'" Stan guessed with a snicker.

As Dipper, Soos, and Hazelle burst into laughter, Jocelyn glared at Stan, who smirked back in triumph. "Wrong!" she fought, smug. "My name's seven letters!"

"'_A _Jocelyn," Hazelle clarified, making everyone laugh harder.

"Um, _no_." Jocelyn's sass began to shine through. "You can't have spaces, nerd. How about 'onomatopoeia'?"

"What—?" Dipper demanded. "That doesn't even make sense!"

"Jocelyn, you're fourteenth in our class," Hazelle said with an eye roll. "You know what onomatopoeia means."

"How would you even spell that?" Stan asked, rubbing his chin.

"Spelling it is irritating," Jocelyn replied.

"You're irritating," Hazelle countered.

"Your _mom's _irritating."

"That's a dirty lie, Debbie's awesome!"

"You callin' me a liar?"

"Fight me, Swanson."

"YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO REFER TO DRAKE AND JOSH, YOU DISAPPOINTMENT!" Jocelyn yelled.

"Drake and _who_?" Dipper said, furrowing his brow.

Stan snapped his fingers. "'Annoying'! That's the answer!"

Dipper blinked and then grinned. "That's it! Awesome, it fits!"

"How did the _Grunkle _get it before Margaret?" Jocelyn said in awe.

"I was busy arguing with you." Hazelle sighed. "Margaret's ego is damaged."

"Tell her to suck it up," Stan said. "It's dog eat dog in the world of crossword puzzles."

"You've dishonored her for the last time," Hazelle said fiercely. "She wants a rematch!"

"Ha!" Stan folded his arms across his chest. "Bring it on, sister."

"Oh—wait." Hazelle pretended to listen to something. "Oops, she's got a bingo game to attend to. Can you reschedule?"

They all laughed, long and loud, and Hazelle got the sudden feeling of home. These were people she really got along with—they got her jokes, and liked her for who she was. She couldn't help but compare her life here to her life back in her reality—the people back there were so…_unpleasant. _They didn't get her and Jocelyn's comedy, and thought they were _weird _for liking a Disney cartoon so much. But the Pines family and Soos had completely accepted her. And in that moment, she didn't care about Bill, or whoever had sent them there—any danger they would face seemed nonexistent to the fun they were having.

Hazelle, for the first time in a long time, felt at peace.

Their laughter was interrupted by the jingle of the opening front door to the shop. The sound of the rain became clearer as the door opened, but went back to being a muffled growl as the customer shut it with a back kick. He flipped back his wet black hood and wiped his fingerless gloves on his tight skinny jeans.

"Shit," Jocelyn muttered, and Hazelle elbowed her quickly with a hiss of _"Dipper's twelve!"_ But Hazelle couldn't blame her—eerie recognition had plummeted into her stomach upon sight of the visitor.

"Hey, Wen—" Robbie stopped and frowned at the group. "Sup, losers."

"Robbie," Dipper forced out between clenched teeth.

"Any of you see Wendy?" Robbie asked, forcefully nonchalant.

"She's not workin' today," Stan said, voice steely. "So either buy something or get out."

"Whoa, whoa, relax, old man." Every word that came out of Robbie's mouth was laced with disrespect and intended attitude. He smirked right at Dipper. "Betcha junior here knows where she is. He follows her around like a three-legged puppy."

Hazelle had noticed when watching _Boyz Crazy _that Stan had a specific _look _he would shoot at Robbie: it was a mix of bottled up anger and a sprinkle of protectiveness. Watching Stan fire it at Robbie in real life made Hazelle remember he wasn't actually kooky, goofy old Grunkle Stan—he was involved in portals, magic, the journals, and who knew what else; he wasn't someone to mess with, and that area of _messing with _extended to the twins.

"I'm runnin' a business here, pencil neck, not a charity!" Stan shouted, hands on his hips. "So you're either browsin', buyin', or beatin' it, got it?"

Robbie rolled his eyes. "Whatever you say, Mr. Pines."

"That's _Mr. Pines_ to you!"

"That's what I just—oh, forget it."

Hazelle felt nerves begin to settle in. Robbie hung around and leered at the _Mystery Shack _T-shirts, as if Stan had just pulled the shirts off the backs of hobos and hung them up for sale. With a rotten smile, he nudged a shelf of Stan bobbleheads with his elbow, knocking a few over.

"Hey, man!" Jocelyn snapped (as Hazelle knew she would). "C'mon, don't be an ass! Pick those up!"

Robbie walked closer and looked down at Jocelyn and Hazelle from over his nose. "Who're these two?" he asked Stan, but he didn't seem to care all that much.

"They're…um…" Stan pulled at his collar.

"Cousins!" Dipper cut in. "They're, uh, they're our cousins. Couldn't you tell from the hair?"

Robbie's gazed tried to skewer them, but he nodded to himself, accepting Dipper's explanation. "You guys got names?"

"Jocelyn."

"Hazelle."

"Like the nut?"

Hazelle raised an eyebrow. "Yeah, like the nut."

Robbie leaned in, scowling. "I'm _allergic _to nuts."

Jocelyn interfered with a terse, "Nobody asked."

"How old are you guys, anyway?" Robbie asked, eying Dipper with distaste.

"We're fifteen," Hazelle said.

Robbie scoffed. "Kinda weird, hanging around with a twerp and a grandpa."  
"Hazelle, do you hear that?" Jocelyn said, hand to her ear. "Why, I do believe that's the sound of no one caring!" She hopped down from the counter. "I'm gonna go explore. Have fun with Admirable Anti-Nuts over here."

"Okay, portal girl," said Hazelle, smirking.

Jocelyn flashed two middles fingers. "Fuck off, Hazelle." With a sassy braid flip, she was gone, leaving behind a laughing Hazelle.

As Robbie continued to look at the merchandise with unimpressed eyes, Soos came over, balancing the broom on one shoulder. "Dudes, should I, like, kick him out or something? 'Cause the gun show can come to town, if need be."

"Nah, let 'im look," Stan said, an unhappy clench in his jaw.

"Whoops!" Robbie dropped a couple of Mystery Shack key chains. "Sorry about that, complete accident!"

Stan growled under his breath. "I wish it was legal to punch teenagers."

"Well, technically, it's not _il_legal," Hazelle muttered back. "We could use a self defense excuse or something."

Stan cracked his knuckles longingly. "Ugh, I'm gonna go get some coffee. You guys want anything?" Soos, Dipper, and Hazelle all declined the offer, so Stan went on quietly, "Watch him. I'll be right back. Don't be against using the bat under the desk."

Robbie watched Stan leave and Soos duck out to get the mop and then approached Dipper and Hazelle, giving off a vibe that made Hazelle anxious. "So what're you doing in a dump like Gravity Falls?"

"I don't think it's a dump," Hazelle defended. "I like it, for your information. And I'm here…on vacation."

Robbie shrugged. "I'm just saying, there're a million other places to pick. This town's the bottom of the barrel."

"I'll keep that in mind the next time I talk to my travel agent," Hazelle quipped drily. Robbie's negativity was making her nervous, which was pissing her off.

Robbie huffed. "Jeez, okay." He went back to the key chains, swiped a random one, and plunked it down on the counter. "I'll take this, twerp."

Dipper frowned under Robbie's squared gaze. He typed some things into the cash register and said stonily, "That'll be ten ninety-nine."

"Eleven bucks for a _key chain_?" Robbie demanded. "What kinda rip off is that!"

"A _Mystery Shack _rip off," Dipper clarified, showing no fear. "You heard my uncle. Either buy it or leave."

"Ugh, fine." Robbie scooped a ten-dollar bill and some excess change out of his hoodie pocket. "That should be enough."

Dipper counted and nodded, appeased. "Why're you even getting a key chain anyway?" he asked, bolder than usual.

Robbie grinned wickedly. "Wendy collects them. She doesn't have the actual shack chain yet."

Dipper flushed and bit his lip.

"Aw, you jealous, twerp?" Robbie put both hands on the counter and leaned in, making Dipper back away. "We may have broken up, but Wendy's still my girl. If you think you have a chance to hop in and replace me, you're in for a big surprise."

"I—I don't know what you're talking about," Dipper yammered.

"Pft. Like she'd go for a kid like you anyway!" Robbie continued, laughing. "You're, like, what, eight? She's looking for a man, not someone to babysit."

Dipper's face was bright red. Hazelle's hands curled into fists. "Lay off, Robbie," she snapped, sticking a finger to his chest, making him lean away from the counter. "You can yap all you want about Wendy, but I think you're forgetting that _she _broke up with _you. _'Cause you're a liar and a thief!"

"What the—how do you know about that?" Robbie demanded.

Hazelle slightly deflated. _Shoot. I wasn't here during Boyz Crazy! _"Who doesn't know?" she retorted, trying for a cocky smile. "Your crash and burn with Wendy was _legendary. _I mean, I've only been here for a few days, and I've already heard about it."

Robbie seemed to get paler, and he grabbed the front of Dipper's shirt. "It was you, wasn't it? You're spreading rumors about me!"

"What—no!" Dipper looked around in alarm, probably for Grunkle Stan or Soos or a weapon. "I didn't—"

"You think you've won, huh?" Robbie raised back a fist. "Well, here's your trophy, loser!"

Hazelle wasn't sure exactly what had happened. One second, she was watching in horror, and then a fury had fused through her like electricity in a circuit. In the blink of an eye, her fist was connecting with Robbie's face, and a tiny black hole had opened right above his fallen body, swirling with wind and power.

Hazelle's eyes widened. The portal was the size of a Frisbee, but it was powerful enough to ruffle wind through the gift shop. Robbie, sporting a bloody nose, scrambled to his feet and blinked at the portal in terror.

"What—why is this stuff always happening around you!" he yelled at Dipper. "I'm outta here!" Robbie grabbed the key chain from the counter and sprinted out of the gift shop.

"What's goin' on down here?" Stan cried, thumping into the gift shop, extra large coffee in hand. His face blanked upon sight of the tiny portal in the air, eyes swiveling to Hazelle. "You weren't kiddin'," he said. "Holy Moses, you weren't _kiddin'_."

Hazelle couldn't register his words. All she could register was the vanishing of the portal into thin air and the thumping bruises on her knuckles.


	20. Chapter 20

WARPED

Chapter 20

Jocelyn had had no idea just how vast the Mystery Shack was.

She wandered around for what felt like a long time, amazed by what strange… _things_ the Shack held. She passed a parlor with dried wax on the ceiling, and a creepy door that almost completely blended into the wall. There was that thing that resembled a suit of armor, and was that a _Stan Vac_? The wonders this Shack held were innumerable.

Jocelyn came to a room that held heaps of, well, stuff. There was box upon box upon box, some sealed shut, and some with their contents spilling open. She gagged at the sight of one box completely filled with _Fully Clothed Women Magazine_ editions from the sixties.

"That was one character development I did not need," she muttered to herself.

Sticking her hands in her pockets, Jocelyn keenly analyzed some others boxes: prototypes of Mystery Shack gear, cheap magic tricks, wrinkled Hawaiian button ups, framed photographs so dusty she didn't dare touch them. All these artifacts from Stan's past would have fascinated Hazelle, but Jocelyn didn't care for them, bored with their distinct lack of secrets.

Moving one balanced box to the side in a pile, Jocelyn went rigid at the sound of a familiar sound. It made her freeze, and sent shockwaves of recognition through her blood. She found herself moving unrelated boxes into other piles, making towers of cardboard in the corners.

Then she found it, left forgotten and in danger of being crushed in a rectangular box in the back of one pile. It was a viola, more beautiful and ancient than the one she owned back home. The sound she had heard was is falling to the floor, a noise guaranteed to make any musician within hearing distance cringe. Luckily it seemed to be alright. It gleamed in the weak light given off by the twitching bulb hanging from the ceiling, with shimmering strings and a steady bow to complete it.

Jocelyn held it with care, as if it was a rare jewel or an aged document. Her fingers quivered, and she was hit with longing for her own viola, sitting alone and unused back in her room in her reality, hopefully not picking up dust. She had been so caught up in Gravity Falls she had almost forgotten her most prized possession.

This fact made Jocelyn a little sad. Sad for her viola, sad for her love of music, and sad for her own flaw of getting easily distracted from what was important.

Jocelyn glanced around, confused. Why did Stan have such a magnificent viola? Did he play? That would throw her through a loop.

No matter the reason, Jocelyn couldn't resist. She tightened the bow, secured the viola under her chin, and began to play.

**XxX**

Jocelyn could get lost in music. She loved playing, and it was almost like she was in her own world. She was the one with the ability to make music. If something sounded wrong, she could fix it. Jocelyn was in control.

Jocelyn didn't realize that Hazelle, Dipper, and Stan were standing behind her until Dipper shifted his weight, making the floor creak loudly. As she was in the middle of a phrase, Jocelyn was annoyed, but she lowered the viola and turned around anyway.

"Hi…" she began. Stan and Dipper were staring at her in awe, and her acknowledgement of their presence seemed to snap them out of a trance.

"How long have you guys been standing there?" Jocelyn asked, still feeling awkward.

"Well…" began Hazelle, "I'm not, uh, exactly sure. We were just listening to you play."

"You're amazing!" Dipper shouted, waving his noodley arms. "How on earth do you do that?"

Jocelyn was taken aback. She didn't think she was _that_ good. "Um, I don't know. I've been playing for about ten years, and I guess practice makes perfect."

"She's actually good at something other than being loud," Stan commented with a slight smile.

Jocelyn couldn't help but smile in return. Stan actually complimented her! And pigs weren't flying!

Hazelle leaned around Jocelyn to peer into the room. "Joss, is that sheet music?"

Jocelyn turned around. "Yeah, it is actually." Jocelyn had paused earlier when she had realized a music stand in the corner. She then whipped out her sheet music and was able to practice.

"Where did it come from?"

"Oh, I always have it with me in case an opportunity to practice arises. All State auditions are in only three months, you know."

"Oookay then…" Hazelle replied. "Moving on, there's something really important we need to tell you. After you left the gift shop, I opened a portal!"

"You _what?_" exclaimed Jocelyn, carefully putting the viola down in its case—making sure to loosen the bow, her biggest pet peeve among the orchestra at school.

"Hey, can I have this?" Jocelyn asked, turning to Stan. "It has such a rich sound, and it's amazing."

"Uh… yeah sure, kid," Stan replied.

Jocelyn pumped a fist into the air. "Yessss!"

"Um, hello? Can we get back to the matter at hand? You know, the _holy schnapps Hazelle can open crazy portals too _matter?!" Hazelle interjected, the muscles in her neck standing out.

"How could you have opened a portal?" Jocelyn asked, frowning. "The house is still standing. The one I opened would've wiped out the Shack."

Hazelle looked down, the tips of her ears turning red. "It was only about the size of a Frisbee."

Jocelyn tried to hold back a snort. "Only the size of a Frisbee? Like, only nine inches in diameter?"

Hazelle huffed. "Yes, that's how big a Frisbee is, Jocelyn."

"Okay, so how did it happen?" Jocelyn asked, changing the subject. "You're usually pretty calm. What made you emotional enough to open a freakin' portal?"

"I—I don't know," Hazelle started. She started to wring her hands. "Something just came over me, and I got really mad, and I… punched Robbie and a portal opened!"

Jocelyn couldn't believe her ears. "_You_ punched _Robbie_?"

"Yes Jocel—"

"_You_, Hazelle Krimms, actually _punched_ someone?"

"Well, yeah that's what I just said—"

"You actually used _violence?_"

"YES—"

"That's awesome!" Jocelyn slapped Hazelle on the back, grinning. "I'm proud of you, man!"

"Awesomeness aside," said Dipper, cautiously attempting to put a cap on Jocelyn's festivities, "let's stay focused here."

Stan cleared his throat. "Yeah, kid, this is pretty serious."

"Hazelle can make portals too. So what?" Jocelyn asked, brushing off the subject. She didn't want to show it, but Jocelyn was a little jealous that Hazelle could make portals too—she thought she was the only one, and she had felt a little special, like the chosen one. But she took solace in the fact that her portals were much stronger than Hazelle's. It was a little selfish and mean of her—but it was solace all the less.

"Jocelyn!" Hazelle admonished. "This is important! I could be dangerous!"

Hazelle? Dangerous? There was no way.

"Look," Jocelyn answered. "If _I_ didn't kill anyone with my huge portal, there's no way your _Frisbee _portal is that dangerous. Let's just see how things play out. Go with the flow."

"You want us to just _go with the flow_ when we could destroy Gravity Falls?"

"Haze, calm down. You're overreacting. We're not gonna destroy Gravity Falls."

Hazelle took a deep breath, trying to calm herself, and opened her mouth to retort.

Before she could answer, Stan jumped into the conversation. "Look kid. Worrying isn't gonna help your situation. There's nothing you can do but keep yourself under control, and focus on finding a way home." He turned to Jocelyn. "And you. Try to be less loud. There's only so much my hearing aid can take. Now, who wants some lunch?"

From downstairs, they heard Mabel's distinct yell of, "_ME! I'M STARVING, OLD MAN!"_

Dipper laughed and followed Stan down the stairs. He paused at the top of the stairs and said to Hazelle, "You coming?"

Hazelle shifted her weight, obviously still uneasy. "Yeah, I just want to talk to Jocelyn real fast."

Dipper nodded and continued down the steps.

Hazelle waited until he was out of earshot before saying to Jocelyn, "Joss, this is really serious. We need to find out how to get home." She bit her lip. "And where the hell is Lucy? I haven't seen her since this morning."

"I know it is. But like Stan said, there's really nothing we can do except get it under control. And as for Lucy, who cares? She's not a baby."

"I know she's not, but we need to talk to her about this. What if…" Hazelle cringed. "What if she can make portals, too?"

Jocelyn sighed, defeated. "Alright fine. Once we find her, and she's got to come back to the Shack at some point, we'll talk to her and see what she says. Maybe we can even test her portal powers. But I can tell you right now she's not gonna cooperate."

Hazelle made a face. "Ugh, you're right. But we need to jump on any chance we get to go home."

Jocelyn rolled her eyes. "Yeah, yeah."

Hazelle began to make her way towards the door. "I'm gonna get some lunch. You coming?"

Jocelyn secured the viola under her chin again. "Nah, I'm gonna practice some more first."

Hazelle gave her a small smile. "Alright. Don't practice too hard."

Jocelyn laughed, the memory of the times she practiced until her fingers were sore (and one time _bleeding_) coming to the surface. "There's no such thing as too much practice!"

As Hazelle uneasily left the room, still wringing her hands, Jocelyn took a deep breath and started playing again, immediately consumed again by her music.


	21. Chapter 21

**WARPED**

Chapter 21

Lucy returned to the Shack for the second time that day, this time soaking wet. As she had made her way back through the woods, the rain had intensified, as if the floodgates of heaven had opened. Lucy wondered, only half jokingly, if Stan had an ark ready down in that lair of his.

Lucy walked into the empty kitchen. It was obvious that lunch had been made: a pot with cold mac and cheese was sitting on the stove, and a half empty gallon of milk was sitting on the counter. Lucy could hear the TV on in the living room, along with the sounds of laughter, and the clink of silver wear on plastic and glass bowls.

Lucy could hardly contain her hurt and anger. They had forgotten about her!

Lucy could also hear music wafting from somewhere upstairs in the Shack. Curious, she made for the stairs, and began to climb, following her ears.

Lucy climbed the stairs and made her way through winding hallways before coming across a room from which the music seemed to be coming. Lucy peered into the room, making sure to keep the floor from creaking.

The room was cluttered with boxes of every size and shape, and smack dab in the middle of the room was Jocelyn, standing in front of a music stand, playing a viola.

Lucy was in awe. She had never heard Jocelyn play before. She had heard people in the orchestra talking about Jocelyn's talent, but their gossip hadn't done Jocelyn justice.

A sudden pause in the music snapped Lucy out of her trance.

"Better shift on a one there…" Jocelyn muttered, pulling a pencil out from behind her ear and scribbling something on her sheet music. "Yeah, that'll work." Jocelyn then secured the viola under her chin and continued playing.

Lucy was struck with a sudden wave of loneliness. As she made her way back downstairs towards merriment she would not be taking part in, Lucy realized just how out of place she was here in Gravity Falls. Hazelle was having a great time with Dipper and Stan, Jocelyn had met her idol, and even found a place for her passion. Lucy was miserable. She didn't know what to do.

_I told you you were a fifth wheel, Pen,_ came the voice in Lucy's head again.

"Why can't you just leave me alone?!" Lucy shouted at the nearest wall. She wanted to cry and scream and tear her hair out.

Just then, Bill Cipher slowly materialized on the wall Lucy had just shouted at. "Oh but Pen," he giggled, "we shook on it. I'm never leaving you alone."

**XxX**

The next thing Lucy knew, she was sitting in the back seat of El Diablo between Hazelle and the door.

"Why can't I drive?" Jocelyn was whining on the other side of Dipper, who was next to Hazelle. "I have my permit!"

"Look kid," Stan replied, glancing at Jocelyn in the rearview. "I don't have the money to repair my car when you wreck it."

"Yeah," Hazelle chimed in. "Plus you can only drive with one other person in the car besides an adult who has had their license for at least three years." Hazelle, who was preparing to take her permit test, had practically memorized the driver's handbook.

"But I'm a _good_ driver!" Jocelyn protested. "And who'll know?"

"Jocelyn, you don't know your left from your right!"

"That doesn't matter."

"You're not driving," Stan answered, a finality in his tone.

"Ugh, fine. But can I drive the golf cart?"

While Hazelle groaned and Jocelyn continued to whine, Lucy's mind went in circles. Where were they going? And why couldn't she remember how she had gotten here? The clock on the dash read 4:17. Lucy had returned to the Shack at about 1:30. That meant that there was a three-hour window that she couldn't remember. What had happened?

"Where are we going?" Lucy asked Hazelle in a daze.

Hazelle made a face, the sun reflecting off her glasses. "Um, the grocery store…remember?"

Lucy opened her mouth to say of course she did, but her throat was clogged with sawdust.

Stan pulled into the parking lot of a rag-tag white building that was slightly slanting entitled "Gravity Falls General Grocers." People were moving in and out, pushing rusty shopping carts full of plastic bags, and avoiding getting run over by Stan's complete disregard for pedestrian laws.

Everyone piled out after he parked, and Lucy saw Old Man McGucket near the cluster of shopping carts off to the side, raving to some kids about a "shopping cart war" that had occurred in another dimension in 1895.

Jocelyn beamed, but Hazelle grabbed her shoulder before she could run to learn of the tale.

"Okay, kids, here are the grocery shopping rules," Stan announced as they entered the store. A cool gust slapped Lucy in the face and she shivered at how much colder the inside was. "Rule number one: the better the bargain, the happier my wallet. Keep your eyes peeled for sales. Rule number two: if you even_ think _that it could have mold on it, don't touch it. Rule number three: stay away from a guy named Kevin who works here. He's not hard to miss, he's got liver spots the size of Kentucky."

"Why?" Dipper asked, raising an eyebrow.

"Kevin and I…don't get along. Let's just say he holds a grudge," Stan grumbled. "And rule number four: _nothing _that's not on the list. Don't bother asking for any crummy colorful sugar cereal or anything like that. The answer will be no, and the answer will be yelled."

"And if we have our own money?" Jocelyn challenged.

Stan shrugged. "Knock yourselves out."

"Crummy colorful sugar cereal aisle, here we come!" Jocelyn declared, running into the store with Mabel giggling at her tail.

Hazelle and Dipper started to edge away from the group, but Stan heaved his hands on their shoulders to stop them. "Oh no you don't, freeloaders. I'm gonna need hands, and lots of 'em, to get out of here within the hour. Moses knows the Shack's already on fire at this point, with Soos and Wendy in charge. You're sticking with me."

Grocery shopping with Grunkle Stan actually wasn't that bad, in Lucy's opinion. He was loud, and obnoxious, and a stickler for the bargains, and he actually sent them out on their own at one point so that he could play some egg game with a guy named Jimmy. Lucy knew he wasn't a bad guy—just a terrible person to shop with.

At last, they had one item left on the list.

"All we need now are your chocolate dinosaur cookies," Dipper said, reading off of the list.

Stan nodded, like attaining the cookies was the most important part of the process. "Okay, they should be right over—oh, for the love of—"

Lucy followed Stan's glare to the cookie aisle, and saw a round man wearing a straw hat and a Hawaiian shirt checking out the snacks. He turned, revealing his profile, and Lucy blinked.

"Bud Gleeful?" she said.

"I'm not gettin' anywhere near that garden pardoner," Stan growled, folding his arms across his chest.

"But you just want the cookies," Hazelle said, looking exasperated. "Just ignore him. Maybe he won't even recognize you."

"He's the father of my arch nemesis," Stan argued. "He'll smell me before he sees me." He glanced pointedly at Lucy. "You. Go get them."

"What!h Me?" Lucy demanded.

"He doesn't know what you guys look like!" Stan went on, gesturing to Hazelle. "He doesn't know we're…affiliated. Just go grab the jumbo pack and we'll be golden."

"They. Are. _Cookies_," Lucy enunciated.

"And I. Am. Your _ride_," Stan countered.

Lucy rolled her eyes and started off toward the cookie aisle.

"Jumbo pack!" Stan reminded her.

"I got it, I got it…" Lucy nonchalantly stood next to Bud Gleeful, who towered over her, and scrutinized the sweets. She winced when she realized the jumbo pack was on the very top shelf—way beyond her reach.

"Oooooh, tough luck, Pen," said Bill Cipher, popping out from behind a stack of Sm'oreos. "Now ya gotta ask the big lug to help you out!"

"What are you—can you please just leave me alone?" she hissed at him, swiping out her phone to make it look like she was taking a call instead of talking to thin air. "I'm busy doing semi-normal things."

"Doing the dirty work for an old man who refuses to even buy you anything?" Bill asked, filing his invisible nails. "Sounds like some pretty dumb semi-normal stuff. He didn't even offer you lunch."

Lucy frowned and glanced back at Stan: he was laughing about something with Hazelle and Dipper, and her blood boiled. Had Stan chose her to do the dirty work to get her to leave? What if they were laughing about her right now? Making fun of the fact that Stan had finally gotten rid of her for a bit?

"Noooooow you're gettin' it," Bill said, the glee sharp on his face. "Ta-da, Pen: this is what's really going on. You think you're a part of this little group they got made up? Yet Stanford Pines never thinks of you. Music Note doesn't even talk to you. And Caduceus? She pities you like she would a three-legged puppy."

Lucy's hands were shaking. Furious, she lashed out and tried to punch Bill, but her hand went through empty air, and he was gone.

"Uhhh…miss?" Bud Gleeful asked, tentative. "Do you, uh, need any help gettin' that down?"

Lucy blinked. Her hand was up, reaching toward the jumbo pack, unable to reach. Had Bill even been there at all? What was going on with her brain?

"Um, yeah," she said, wiping sweat off her forehead—where had the _sweat _come from? "Sorry, yeah, that'd be great if you could—"

_Kaboom! _An explosion went somewhere in the back part of the store. The ground trembled and the ceiling splintered like broken glass. Bud handed the jumbo pack off to her and took off into a sprint. "Earthquake!" he shouted. "RUN, ERRYBODY!"

Lucy ran back to Stan, Dipper, and Hazelle, who looked about as freaked out as she felt. She chucked the jumbo pack into the cart and yelled, "What's going on?"

"I dunno, but we gotta get out of here!" Stan cried.

"Wait! Where are Mabel and Jocelyn?" Dipper yelled.

Stan's face became grave and determined. "Hop in, kids. We're gonna find the other two knuckleheads."

Dipper climbed into the cart and Hazelle and Lucy hung off of the opposing sides. Stan broke into a run, charging through the store, yelling for Mabel and Jocelyn down every aisle.

Finally, they found them near the dairy. Mabel and Jocelyn were holding onto the shelves, an enormous portal swirling over their heads.

"Guys!" Hazelle ushered them over.

Mabel and Jocelyn, holding onto each other, scuttled away from the portal, the wind whipping at their hair and clothes. They reached the cart, grabbing hold, and Stan pulled the group farther away from the portal. With Jocelyn's attention directed elsewhere, the portal shifted shut, leaving behind a whole in the ceiling and tons of spilled containers of milk, yogurt, butter, and eggs.

"What…happened?" Hazelle wheezed, letting go of the cart in a dizzy stumble.

Jocelyn bit her lip, embarrassed. "I…uh…I couldn't…"

"Couldn't what?" Lucy demanded.

Jocelyn scratched the back of her head. "I, uh, couldn't find the Cool Whip?"

There were a couple beats of silence.

"The Cool Whip," repeated Stan, stoic.

"I'm sorry!" Jocelyn cried. "I—Mabel and I just couldn't find it and I love it so much and I wanted to make sundaes for everyone tonight and I need Cool Whip but _they don't freaking have it out and I don't know where it is_—"

"Jocelyn," Hazelle said in an awestruck breath. "You opened a portal and almost destroyed a grocery store because _you couldn't find the Cool Whip_?"

"If it makes you guys feel any better," Mabel said, "she was getting really mad, and it was really funny."

"This is Gravity Falls, you idiot!" Lucy yelled, pulling slightly at her hair. "It doesn't _have _Cool Whip! They don't even know what Xfinity is!"

"I know. I was looking for a _replacement_," Jocelyn retorted.

There was more silence as everyone realized the full insanity over what had happened. Then Hazelle burst into laughter.

"What?" Lucy demanded, fuming. "What could be _funny _at a time like this, Hazelle?"

"I just—I just thought of—" Hazelle grinned, gesturing around. "I was just thinking…since no one got hurt…I guess there's no reason to cry over _spilled milk_."

Groans pierced the air, Jocelyn physically walked away with her face in her hands. Mabel hopped over and gave Hazelle a highfive, laughing and saying, "_Niiiiiice_!"

Lucy sat down, messaging her temples.

_I'm gonna fricking lose my mind because of this town. _


	22. Chapter 22

**WARPED**

Chapter 22

The aftermath of Jocelyn's second portal episode was very interesting, in Hazelle's opinion.

Stan had taken the opportunity to quickly usher everyone out of the store, claiming, "The cruddy cops won't believe anything about a stupid portal destroying the only grocery store in Gravity Falls." Looking back, Hazelle figured Stan wasn't a big fan of the police, considering all the shady business he was involved in, and was just trying to avoid any and all parts of the law, but it still felt strange to be dragged out of a smoking grocery store and into El Diablo while still laughing about her spilled milk pun. On the news that night, the mishap was being deemed a gas leak, and the grocery store was to stay open while the renovations were completed.

Stan pulled up to the Shack and turned around to face the four in the backseat. "Okay," he began, "we're never gonna speak of that again. And you." He fixed Jocelyn with a stern gaze. "You've gotta get that portal thing under control. Somebody could get hurt next time. Or worse: _sued_."

"Okay," Jocelyn replied, sheepish. She was raking her fingers through her braid and sitting stiffly, not even letting her legs touch Hazelle or Lucy on either side of her.

"Good. Now," Stan continued. "Nobody does anything or goes anywhere until these groceries are unloaded. Clear?"

Dipper, Hazelle, Jocelyn, Mabel, and Lucy collectively made some noise of agreement, and they all piled out of the car, gathering around the trunk to unload the bags.

Stan opened the trunk and Mabel and Dipper immediately began a struggle for the lightest item: the paper towels.

"Mabel, you took it in last time!" Dipper complained.

"That's cause I won, Dipping Sauce! ALPHA TWIN! ALPHA TWIN!" True to form, Mabel managed to wrestle the package from Dipper's hands, and she ran inside, triumphantly holding the towels over her head like a championship trophy.

"How does she always _do_ that?" Dipper asked, exasperated.

"Maybe it's your sweaty palms?" Jocelyn suggested.

Dipper's face flushed. "They're not that sweaty…" he protested, resignedly reaching for a gallon of milk.

As Dipper made his way towards the kitchen door, Hazelle scrutinized the groceries, trying to determine which would require the least effort to carry. She hummed under her breath, tapping her chin.

"Hey, slackey," Stan grumbled from behind her, hands on his hips. "Take a picture, it'll last longer. Let's move it."

Hazelle looked up at Stan's frowning face. "I don't know where any of this goes."

"Why not? You've been here like eight years!" he grouched.

Lucy looked at Stan with narrowed eyes. "It's been three days! Although it _feels_ like eight years," she added under her breath.

Jocelyn's eyes snapped to Lucy, and she threw her hands into the air. "GOD FREAKING—"

Hazelle thrust another gallon of milk into Jocelyn's chest. "Jocelyn. Take this milk inside, and _cool it._"

Jocelyn walked away, grumbling under her breath.

Hazelle turned back to Stan, wiping her hands on her shirt. _Do I ALWAYS have to play peacekeeper?_ "But seriously, where does this go?"

Stan rolled his eyes. "Just ask the boy. He organizes the pantry."

Hazelle grabbed two bags of groceries and straightened. "I believe that." She then handed one bag to Lucy and started inside.

While Hazelle was helping Dipper stack the groceries, she heard Jocelyn scream from somewhere in the Shack. Hazelle was unaffected, as Jocelyn screamed quite a lot. Too much, some would argue.

"Jocelyn! What's wrong?" Dipper yelled, panicked.

Jocelyn ran into the pantry, holding a broom. "Hazelle! Look what I found!"

"A broom?" Dipper asked, confused.

Hazelle sighed. "Jocelyn, what did you do with the milk?"  
"That—that doesn't matter," Jocelyn said quickly. "Look at this!"

Dipper slumped his shoulders. "I don't get it."

Hazelle gave Dipper a pointed look. "Color guard."

"Oh," Dipper replied, turning back to the grocery chart, deeming it of much more importance.

"Jocelyn," Hazelle began, turning to put a can on the shelf, "we can spin later. Just help finish putting the groceries away and then—"

"Too late," said Dipper.

Hazelle turned and stopped short. Jocelyn was already gone. She sighed and twisted her lips, feeling the faint echoes of a migraine coming in. "We'd better hurry up with these so she doesn't hurt herself."

Once Hazelle and Dipper finished putting away the groceries, they made their way outside to see Jocelyn enthusiastically spinning the broom.

"Hey, Haze, look!" Jocelyn yelled, tossing the flag and sending it soaring into the air. "Part one!"

Dipper gasped, waiting for the broom to hit the ground and crack into two, but Jocelyn caught it neatly and tucked it behind her back, bowing into a curtsy. She grinned, happy to be the center of attention.

Hazelle had to smile, albeit a little forcefully. Jocelyn could be such a ham.

"WITCHCRAFT!" Mabel yelled from the porch, holding her cheeks in awe. "HOW DID YOU DO THAT?"

Jocelyn smiled mysteriously. "Lots of practice."

Mabel abandoned her knitting needles and ran over to Jocelyn. "Teach me your ways," she whispered.

Jocelyn beamed and positioned herself in front of Mabel. "So this is how you do a drop spin…"

Hazelle felt a prickle of nostalgia, remembering teaching the rookies the basics over the summer. How weird it was, to be in a place as alien, beloved, and downright dangerous as Gravity Falls, and yet the thought of her marching band career back in their reality made her insides light up like she was actually on the high school football field, ready to march and perform her heart out.

Dipper turned to Hazelle, eyes wide. "Can you do that too?"

Hazelle nodded. "Jocelyn _loves_ to toss high. I could get it that high, if I wanted to…but yeah."

"Wow."

Hazelle laughed. "You know, we spin guns too!"

Dipper's eyes bulged. "_Really?_"

"Yeah!" Jocelyn called from across the yard. "It hurts when you hit yourself, though. Check out this beauty!" Jocelyn pulled up her pant leg to reveal a huge, angry, purple bruise that Dipper could clearly see across the yard.

He winced. "Jeez! Why do you guys put yourselves through this?"

"Because I love it. It's fun," Hazelle replied, more memories of band rising to the surface. Practices, football games, competitions, band camp; hot, aching summer afternoons working in someone's backyard with Lucy, Jocelyn, and the other color guard girls to master a simple yet imperative sixteen counts of the show; freezing cold nights huddling under covers in the stands at competitions, eating way too much candy and screaming way too loudly when their name was called and a trophy was given away, no matter their placing or score; quiet, personal bus rides home at midnight, whispering with a specific, especially chosen few about life, the universe, and inside jokes (in Hazelle and Jocelyn's case, _Gravity Falls_ quotes completely out of context).

Stan's yell broke Hazelle's revere like shattering glass.

"WHERE THE HECK IS MY BROOM?!"

Jocelyn snatched the broom from Mabel and executed an extremely high toss. "Did you mean… _THIIIIIIS?_"

"THAT'S IT!" Stan shouted, rolling up his sleeves. "NOT TODAY!"

Stan ran out of the house and ran straight for Jocelyn, who sprinted away, laughing hysterically.

Stan slowly stopped after a considerably short chase and put his hands on his knees, panting. "I'll get you later, kid!" He shook his fist at her and sauntered back into the Shack, complaining to Soos and showcasing an extremely colorful vocabulary.

Jocelyn laughed and tossed the broom high into the air once again, catching it with ease.

"Ha! Yeah right, old man!"

As Jocelyn went back to teaching Mabel, Lucy walked outside and joined Hazelle and Dipper.

"I finished putting away the groceries," Lucy mentioned nonchalantly.

"Good," Dipper replied. "Did you follow the template?"

Lucy blew her bangs out of her face and rolled her eyes. "Yes, Dipper."

As Dipper nodded in approval, Mabel wandered over, tired of her color guard lesson.

"Wow, that stuff is hard," Mabel said to Hazelle and Lucy. "I can't believe you guys put yourselves through that."

"It's certainly a commitment," Hazelle answered, watching Jocelyn, who was lost in her own world of color guard. Absentmindedly, she was air-spinning to the part Jocelyn was at, her hands moving nimbly on their own accord in front of her.

"Wow," Dipper mused. "She sure is good at this."

"But speaking of things Jocelyn's _not _good at," Lucy interjected sourly, "we should probably talk about this whole portal thing."

"I've actually been thinking about it a lot," Dipper said, taking out the journal and flipping to the portal jumper page. "It all actually makes sense. Like then journal says, portal jumpers make their portals without thinking about it in times of intense emotion." He started to tick off on his fingers. "This has happened three times: when Jocelyn got mad at Lucy in the woods, when Hazelle got mad and punched Robbie, and when Jocelyn got so worked up in the store about…not finding the Cool Whip."

"But it also says they can control it," Lucy said, hands on her hips. "How in the world could you get to that point? You can't exactly practice portal making."

"What dummy made that rule?" Mabel asked, turning to Hazelle with a bright smile. "Hazelle, you should practice making one right now!"

Hazelle flushed, clasping her hands together. "Um…uh, yeah, sure, I can try." She faced away from the Shack, eager to not destroy any more Gravity Falls property, and tried to focus. She hated being put on the spot, and found that she couldn't concentrate beyond the expecting eyes of her friends behind her. What did they seriously expect her to do, put on a show? Knock Jocelyn's portals out of the water? She couldn't make a phone call without messing up!

Closing her eyes, she wrinkled her nose and thought hard about a portal opening up right in front of her. Nothing too huge, nothing that would hurt anyone—just something sufficient enough to please her audience.

Hazelle was so focused she didn't hear Jocelyn come walking up behind her until she heard a curious: "What are you doing?"

She opened her eyes. Jocelyn was biting back laughter, giving her a bemused stare.

"I'm opening a portal," Hazelle said through clenched teeth.

"She's practicing," Mabel called.

"Huh. Well maybe it's so small that we can't see it," Jocelyn suggested. "Your portals tend to be pretty small."

Hazelle hated the flash of pain that she felt at Jocelyn's comment. She knew that Jocelyn wasn't trying to be mean, but it was typical of her to say unintentionally _mean_ things without realizing it. "Well, if you think you're so good at making portals," she said heatedly, "then why don't you make one right now?"

"Okay!" Jocelyn concentrated for a moment and then thrust her hands into the air.

There was a swirling rush of wind, and a huge portal opened up above them. The sky darkened, and lightning flashed across the sky.

Jocelyn grinned at the group, her hands still raised above her head, and her hair, coming loose from her braid, was whipping around her face. Hazelle thought that Jocelyn looked wildly beautiful, like some dark weather goddess out of an epic fantasy movie.

"YOU!" came Stan's yell from across the yard. "WHAT DID I SPECIFICALLY TELL YOU NOT TO DO?!"

It would have been cool, except Jocelyn obviously couldn't control it. Stan's shout threw her off balance. Her face contorted with effort, a sheen of sweat and panic materializing with every heartbeat. Despite her tries to calm the portal down, the weather continued to darken and grow.

It was in this moment that Hazelle realized just how powerful, and potentially dangerous Jocelyn was.

"Yeah, Joss," Hazelle added nervously. "You've made your point. You—you can shut it down now."

The lightning intensified, and the wind got even stronger.

"JOCELYN!" Lucy yelled to Hazelle's right. "MAKE IT STOP!"

"I…I don't know how!" Jocelyn turned back to the group, her eyes wide with panic and fear.

"Hey!" Dipper called. "Look at me!" He turned to Hazelle, Lucy and Mabel. "Both times she opened a portal it closed once her attention was averted elsewhere, right?"

Mabel tossed Jocelyn the broom lying at her feet. "Here! Show me something!"

Jocelyn took the broom in her hands and tried to spin it. The portal was obviously taking up all of her energy, but it didn't show any signs of slowing down.

"Jocelyn!" Dipper yelled, trying to get her attention. "Look at me! Look at Hazelle or Mabel or Lucy! Don't think about it! You can do it! You have to!"

Jocelyn stared at Dipper. Her gaze swung to Hazelle, going blank and pale. The portal slowly closed, and Jocelyn fell to her knees. Hazelle ran over to help her friend, but on the inside, she was fuming.

Stan stalked over to where Jocelyn was sitting. Once he realized she was all right, he said, "I turn my back for two seconds, and she's stealing my broom and opening reality-bending portals." He wiped at his forehead, his breathing calming down, and kneeled, capturing Jocelyn's exhausted eyes with his serious, concerned ones. "Don't _ever _do that again, kid. No more of these portals."

Lucy eyed Jocelyn warily. "I don't think she'll have the energy to for a while."

"This portal lasted longer than the other two," Dipper said, sticking his nose in the journal. "And they seem to be getting stronger. She's just got to learn to control it."

Jocelyn nodded again. "Yeah, I'll work on that," she said weakly. Then, her eyes went out of focus, and she slumped over to the ground.

Stan rubbed at his eyes. "Let's get her in before a passerby sees."

Hazelle and Dipper exchanged a look. The annoyance must have been obvious on Hazelle's face, because Dipper frowned and asked, "You okay?"

"She just…ugh!" Hazelle threw her hands into the air. "That's so _like _her, to almost rip the space time continuum just to win. Her stupid competitiveness is gonna get one of us killed one of these days. She can't let me have _one thing._ I'm so sick of it!"

Dipper considered. "Sick enough to leave her out here for the wolves?"

The weather was receding back into the summer sunset it had been before Jocelyn's portal. Hazelle suddenly felt very tired, like she was Atlas, carrying way too much for her scrawny little shoulders to hold. She let her anger flow out as the sun sank below the horizon, feeling the nightly chill start to descend upon Gravity Falls.

Would she ever see a sunset from her reality ever again?

"I'll get her legs."


End file.
